Hail to the Chef: Attempts to Flatter
Express’ Karmah Elmusa recaps an exercise in forgery on “Top Chef: New York.”
THE AMBIGUOUS THEY SAY imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I, on the other hand, say … only if you get it right. This week on “Top Chef,” the final six are met with the daunting task of imitating dishes from a revered guest-judge’s restaurant, skinning various weird sea creatures and dealing with the fact that Stefan is just better than everyone else, like it or not. Strap yourselves in — this wild ride ends with the biggest upset of the season thus far.
QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE
Eric Ripert is the shining, slightly creepy face that greets the judges upon entering the kitchen this week. The owner of renowned seafood restaurant in New York, Le Bernadin, as well as D.C.’s very own Westend Bistro, Ripert is a “Top Chef” regular with a mild manner, a generous spirit and an off-putting smile. Since seafood is his game, it’s no surprise that the chefs will be dealing in fish for this week’s quickfire.
The challenge takes shape as a tournament, with three rounds. In the first, the chefs must fillet two sardines based on an example prepared by Ripert. In round 2, the remaining chefs must produce two perfect fillets of arctic char. In round 3, it’s freshwater eel time!
Carla fails miserably in the first round, and she knows it, and she’s funny about it. “Your sardine was so beautiful,” she tells Ripert. “Unlike mine. You don’t even have to say anything, we all know what it is.” She and Jamie are out, leaving Leah, Hosea, Fabio and Stefan to battle on.
Leah freaks out like a small child when filleting her arctic char and simply STOPS in the middle because it’s “too hard, wah wah wah.” This is the antithesis of a winner’s behavior, and I smile gleefully as I picture Leah packing her knives. Fabio does a messy job as well, so for the final round, it’s Stefan vs. Hosea.
Out come the freshwater eels. First of all, the things are thrashing about like the ultimate escape artists, but Ripert informs us that they are in fact, dead. “They joost ‘ave a very strong neervous seestem.” Sure, whatever you say. Next, Stefan hits us with this: “Eel. That’s what we do in Germany.” Ah yes, the world-famous eel brat. Mmm.
Turns out it’s true. Stefan gets out of cutting board, expertly nails the eels head to it, shucks its skin off in one fluid motion and finishes with two perfect fillets and a spotless work station. Hosea stands by amazed, and then proceeds to imitate Stefan’s method but ends up with a sadder looking product. Stefan is the winner, yet again, and can look forward to yet another advantage in the next challenge.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
The following day, the chefs are invited to a formal lunch at Le Bernadin. Six courses of one beautiful seafood dish after another. Any longtime viewer of “Top Chef” knows the cheftestants aren’t just being treated (read: I smell a challenge).
Indeed, the seventh and final course is the knife block. The chefs’ challenge? To re-create one of the decadent courses they just consumed. Stefan’s advantage from the quickfire is to be allowed to pick the course he cooks. He selects a lobster tail served over asparagus with an herb hollandaise sauce. He’s happy, because he has “already figured out all of the ingredients. That’s the funny part.” Ha … look at the sense of humor on him.
After drawing knives, it is decided that Carla will prepare the oil poached escolar with crispy potatoes and a bearnaise sauce. Hosea will tackle a za’atar-crusted monkfish with black garlic, Fabio draws red snapper crusted in sourdough bread and a tomato basil consomme and Leah will make mahi mahi with a miso and mushroom sauce. Jamie (who admits to being “bored” throughout the meal) draws her least favorite dish, black bass over braised celery with a serrano ham and peppercorn sauce.
The chefs are provided with the same ingredients Ripert uses for each dish and are given time to practice. Then, Ripert comes in to critique each dish and offer his expert advice. Emotions are running high.
And just FYI, if the chefs were literally wearing said emotions on their sleeves, Jamie’s sleeve would say, “I Hate This Challenge.” Carla’s would say, “Hooty Hoo I Love Me Some French Cookin!” Leah’s would say, “Wah Wah Wah” and Hosea’s would read, “What the F*** Is Za’atar?” Stefan’s would boldly admit, “I’m Going to Win And You All Know It,” and Fabio’s would say, “Bonjourno! Bellissimo! I Enjoya De Life So Much-a!”
JUDGES’ TABLE
The general consensus at the tasting was the following: Stefan’s dish was dead on. What does he win? The most awesome prize of the season … a week in Eric Ripert’s shadow, followed by a trip with Ripert to the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen. Our girl Carla was an easy second — she knew the difference between a bearnaise and a beurre rouge and it paid off. Fabio was also pretty damn close, and rounded out the top three. At the bottom, there was Hosea, who did OK, but didn’t let his monkfish rest and crusted his fish incorrectly. Leah and Jamie were way off base … Leah essentially had no idea what she was doing, and Jamie knew her mistakes but didn’t have time to fix them.
Or, in the always ridiculous words of Toby Young, “Jamie saw Ripert performing a high-wire act. She got up on the wire and then she fell.” Whatever guy.
So the question remains: Send the chef home who doesn’t know what she’s doing or send the chef home who does know but made a few mistakes? Clearly the former, right? NOPE. It’s sayonara to Jamie, which comes as something of a shock. I had her pegged as top three material.
Leah, your days are numbered. I hope.
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
» Fabio (to his wife): Every time you say everything is good I come back and everything is burned down to the ground.
» Fabio: Eric Ripert is the god of the French chef.
» Carla (on her sardines): Mine looked like crapola.
» Hosea: Stefan’s been doing eels since he was three. One more reason Europe’s so great, yay.
» Fabio: The most difficult part is that we don’t have 30 years of high-level experience.
» Toby: If I had to come up with a name for the dish, I think I’d call it “Pablo Escolar.”
