Date Blight: 'The Bachelorette' Meets New Swarm of Unsuitable Suitors

“The Bachelorette” is back, starring perky dental student Ashley, above, who was dumped by “Bachelor” Brad for Emily (who reportedly has now dumped Brad).

After just two episodes of the show on Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC, Ashley’s cycle has entered the land of Trainwreckistan.

Ashley says, “I think my husband is standing in this room” of contenders. Here’s to delusional thinking!

Maybe her future hubby is Jeff, who wears a mask “to take my face out of the game” (Dude, I can see your mouth and nostrils). Or West, whose wife drowned in the tub after the couple argued and smoked pot and whose former mother-in-law doesn’t trust him even though the verdict is “accidental death.”

For sure, Ashley won’t marry liquor distributor Tim, who gets all liquored up and passes out. And definitely not shifty-eyed Bentley. Ashley likes him a bunch and he pretends to like her back, but this divorced dad confides to the camera he’d rather swim “in pee” than wed her. On Monday’s episode, his two-faced soul makes Ashley sob: “My heart is, like, totally broken.”

Ashley, here’s what to do: Stay away from TV dating shows!

Written by Express contributor Marc Silver
Photo by Craig Sjodin/ABC