My sister is a drug addict. She was hospitalized for heroin withdrawal, quickly signed herself out of rehab and recently had a blood clot in her lung. She doesn’t seem to realize how serious a blood clot can be. She was given blood thinners, but she leaves the house for days at a time and returns on drugs. We want to kick her out but we’re afraid she won’t take her blood thinners. We can’t force her to see a therapist. -Concerned
My heart goes out to you. You’re caught in that desperate situation of wanting to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. The paradox, of course, is that at some point, you must be willing to let them hurt themselves to guide them into a better life.
How near she is to her rock bottom is not for me to say, and so I could never tell you whether an intervention should be next. But you and your family could absolutely use counseling. You deserve support and guidance, and it’s imperative to have a professional in place in case she might become ready for help. A specialist can help you hold an intervention if it comes time. You should also check out Nar-anon.org.
The Cheater’s Predicament
I’ve been messing around with my friend’s wife. We flirted a lot, and eventually hooked up. She said it was a nice distraction, as she was unhappy at work and couldn’t talk to her husband about such things. I’ve never been interested in getting serious. Lately, she’s started talking about leaving her husband and “coming clean.” She thinks we may have a future together. I’m desperate to extract myself from this situation with as little collateral damage as possible. -Stuck
There’s no way to sugarcoat this: You’re about to break up an ill-advised pseudo-relationship with someone who probably won’t take it well, and who has the power to make your life as miserable as a marathon of proctologist visits. There. Does that solve things?
Seriously, all you can do is be kind. She might be devastated and vindictive; she might not. She might tell her husband; she might not. He might try to ruin you socially; he might not. The best thing you can do is to choose to take a healthier, more decisive road from this point forward. End things clearly and respectfully, and hold your breath that karma gives you a freebie.