Dream Team: I Like Mike

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Is your fantasy football team a nightmare? Express' Chris Mincher gives his advice on who to play and who to bench.

WELL, IT'S ALMOST all over; or already over, depending. Did you win? No? Well, serves you right for not taking my advice. (Admit it, you ignored all of it, didn't you, you cocky ungrateful swine.) Perhaps you're even in the championship for your league this week, in which case, I can't help you — c'mon, it's the last week of the season, no one has any idea of who will play and won't. The team's quarterback could be reduced to squibb-kick duties for all anyone knows. Good luck.

For most of you, however, it's time to start thinking about who you're going to think about until your next draft. Certain players to Google for news every now and then, scan sports round-ups for their name, browse the transaction wire scouting them out. The guys that are going to be the super-sleepers that awe your friends and forever silence any doubters as to the depth of your football knowledge. Because you obviously have to do something different; otherwise, you wouldn't have lost this year, loser. (Winners, I'm not talking to you.)

Mike Anderson, RB, Baltimore Ravens
Anderson, a 1,000-yard-back last season, was barely used this season as the Ravens rightfully gave Jamal Lewis a full year to prove he could still do the job. Instead, Lewis continued to run like the field was a large vat of custard, and he'll likely be cut after the season. Meanwhile, the seemingly obvious person to take the job, Musa Smith, seems to have deflated balloons for neck muscles.
TAKE? Anderson's experienced, but in perfect health, having only started 51 games in seven seasons. If Lewis is shown the door, Anderson — who played well in his limited chances this year — could be well-positioned to do big things in 2008.
Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

Bradlee Van Pelt, QB, Houston Texans
When Gary Kubiak left the Broncos to coach the Texans, he brought backup Van Pelt with him. It didn't seem like a notable move at the time. But, despite a fine season by starter David Carr, he's been scapegoated by fans and will be traded away after the season; backup Sage Rosenfels had an incredible year, too, but quickly hung up his uniform after breaking his finger and is missing valuable try-out time. With so many question marks, it's not inconceivable that Van Pelt could be in the running as the Texans attempt to regroup.
TAKE? Coaches often snag a few players with them when they switch teams — sometimes with big results (think Mike Holmgren and Matt Hasselbeck). Kubiak's already revitalized one Denver wash-up into a successful starter — that would be running back Ron Dayne, for those who don't exactly stay up-to-date on the 4-11 squad — so it's possible he could also turn to a quarterback who knows his system.

Quinn Gray, QB, Jacksonville Jaguars
There's not enough room in town for both quarterbacks Byron Leftwich and David Garrard to remain in Jacksonville next year. If the Jaguars have any sense of value whatsoever, they'll part ways with Leftwich — who played poorly even before his ankle was crushed like a walnut in a nutcracker — and stick with the impressive Garrard. Either way, Gray — lifetime QB rating of 119 — becomes an interesting backup.
TAKE? The Jags know how they like their quarterbacks: Tall, thick, powerful, as all three are between 6-2 and 6-5, with weights in the 240s. Gray certainly fits the mold; if Leftwich stays because of his name value, look for him to be struck with another bout of hobbleitis and for Gray to get a shot.

Cleo Lemon, QB, Miami Dolphins
Who's the best quarterback on the Dolphins this year? If you answered "None of the above," or "Uggghhhh," or just made a repeated nauseated gagging motion, you haven't seen ex-Chargers backup Lemon helm the squad. Granted, he hasn't seen a lot of action, but you can't argue that he's done more in 32 passes than starter Joey Harrington or the knee-ruined Daunte Culpepper have done in any 32-pass stint they've been through.
TAKE? Harrington has proved he doesn't belong in the NFL in any starting capacity. Culpepper has now ruined the seasons of two teams in as many years. Why not Lemon?

Kellen Clemens, QB, New York Jets
We forget why everyone in New York was calling for Oregon standout Clemens to get the start at quarterback this year. Idiots.
TAKE? While the coaches clearly think Clemens is better than Patrick "Ohhh, That's What Team He's On" Ramsey — I actually think they're equally horrible — starter Chad Pennington is healthy again and proving he's still one of the best managers of the game out there.
Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

Aaron Brooks, QB, Oakland Raiders
Brooks has been in constant decline in every year since 2003. The only reason he's the quarterback is that his decline has been gradual, while backup Andrew Walter's decline has been meteoric.
TAKE? The Raiders need to scrap their entire quarterback corps and start anew. Random prediction — "prediction" meaning, "baseless guess" — the Raiders draft Hawaii superstar Colt Brennan and put him in the running with some other veteran pick-up. (Baltimore backup Kyle Boller, perhaps?)

Najeh Davenport, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers
Pittsburgh starter Willie Parker is having an incredible season, so you might think the team is satisfied with their running game. Quite the contrary: the reason Parker is lighting it up is because they've gotten away from their preferred system, which is to have a balanced attack of a big, north-south, traditional-Steelers back along with their Parkeresque nimble speedster.
TAKE? When backup Verron Haynes' knee torn like the crotch seam in old jeans, Davenport was supposed to be that power guy. Instead, Parker had to do it all himself. And if you're not good enough to be a bruiser on the Steelers, you're not good enough to do it anywhere.

Michael Gaines, TE, Carolina Panthers
First, tight end Kris Mangum's hip goes out like a senior citizen slipping in the bathtub. Then, something happened to new starter Mike Seidman, but I don't remember what because he's a nobody who doesn't even deserve me linking to his picture. Anyway, so then Gaines got the job, which no one would have noticed except that temporary starter Chris Weinke seems to like the position and has tossed a lot of passes his way. Unfortunately for Gaines, however, Weinke stinks and won't be quarterback too much longer, and it will be back to blocking for Mike.
TAKE? If the Panthers wanted a real tight end, they'd get one, and it wouldn't be Gaines.