Welcome Wagon: Amy Sedaris

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ANYONE WHO EVER caught an episode — or perhaps even the full-length film — of "Strangers With Candy" probably didn't think, "I have got to get party-hosting tips from this lady!" Amy Sedaris wasn't prepared for anyone to think that either.

"On TV or film, you're not in charge. I wanted to come up with a project I could have complete control over," Sedaris said. "The book — I never thought somebody would buy it. It was an art project."

But, as it were, last year's "I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence" has become a top-selling guide to entertaining — with hosts and guests of all demographics snapping copies up, even those who usually wouldn't need explicit instructions on dealing with a hopelessly drunk partygoer. The book might even have more insight for the partygoer.

"I wrote this more for the guest, so, if you don't entertain, you have an idea about what we go through," Sedaris said. "Maybe it would make you be a better guest."

While "I Like You" doesn't cater its content to the holidays, it's a time of year when its advice is needed most—and Sedaris has plenty of tips on suffering through get-togethers both as a host and as an attendee. Lesson one: Stop whining about your family.

"People talk about how uncomfortable it is to be around their families: 'Oh, we have to get drunk.' Really, then, why go?" Sedaris said. "You're not doing anybody any favors."

A second tip is appropriate for right here, right now: in Washington, one month before presidential primary elections, when politics is on the brain and, unfortunately, on the lips. Instead of working hard to silence opinioned people who won't shut up, why not embrace it? Hey — it's free, live entertainment.

"You're lucky! If two people get into a bad political discussion, I'd put those two people across from each other every year," Sedaris said. "It's saving your evening! It's a fun little spectator sport!"

Additionally, don't keep guests waiting for their meal — they want to show up, eat and be free to leave — so don't stick the turkey in the oven when guests arrive. It's unfair, Sedaris said, to expect anybody to spend eight hours with you.

"You think, 'Goddamnit! I've got to come over here all day and drink cheap Chablis and eat nasty appetizers,' and then, by the time there's food on the table, you're stuffed and drunk," Sedaris said.

There are some good things to keep in mind as a guest, as well. For example, while you think it's polite to insist on bringing something, usually, the menu's been determined and your addition won't fit. And, if you need to use the oven or counter space, you've now crossed the threshold into rudeness. Instead, ask which wine or dessert you can bring that will accommodate what's being served.

Good advice all around, not that Sedaris would call herself an expert. In fact, what's made the book so successful is showing how DIY and improvised hosting can be. Throwing things together successfully at the last minute is something she's good at; take, for example, an upcoming Manhattan craft show.

"I'm making matches and decorating mayonnaise jars," Sedaris said. "Tongue depressors, I was thinking of sticking googly eyes on them, and telling people to stick them in the dirt next to their favorite plants."

» Historic Sixth & I Synagogue, 600 I St. NW; Thu., 8 p.m., $15-$25; 800-551-7328. (Gallery Place-Chinatown)

BONUS Q&A

» EXPRESS: This appearance is part of a series for young professionals. What advice do you have for young professionals?
» SEDARIS: Whatever you want to do, just do it. People who have jobs and always complain and say they hate their job and they're unhappy — well, I've never had a job I didn't like. It just wouldn't enter my mind. Your job is going to take up 80 percent of your time, usually, so whatever you get into, just make sure it's something you're passionate about. If you're a creative person, just make sure you do something that challenges you creatively.

» EXPRESS: What took you from acting to writing about entertaining and cooking?
» SEDARIS: I wanted to work on something that I really knew something about. On TV or film or whatever, usually, you're not in charge. You're not president. I wanted to come up with a project that I could have complete control over. The book — I never thought somebody would buy it. If, at the last minute, the publishing company had said, "We've changed our mind; we're not putting the book out," I would have been OK with that. It was an art project for a year and a half. So I was really surprised that it did so well. It was nice because I didn't factor that in; I didn't think "product," I just thought, "process." Why is it popular? Maybe it reminded people of those books from the '50 and '60s, so it appealed to a wide range of people.

» EXPRESS: Does your book take the "cooking for others" concept and advance it one step further?
» SEDARIS: I wanted to focus on entertaining, period — because I do entertain a lot. People who entertain already know how to entertain. I wrote this more for the guest, so, if you don't entertain, you have an idea about what we go through. Maybe it would make you be a better guest, because we need you. If you don't want to entertain, trust me, we don't want you to. All that stuff I had in my house, things kept snowballing — I thought, "Oh, I'll use this prop." And that gave me another idea, and then another idea. I just went with the flow, instead of being like, "No, I've got to do this and that." It was nice the way it turned out.

» EXPRESS: The book talks about appropriate manners for parties. Would you ever want to be passed the torch from a Judith Martin [Miss Manners]?
» SEDARIS: I wouldn't want to do that. People can ask me questions, but I'm no expert. Having this book out allows me to break all the rules. I can be a really bad guest, very inhospitable. The only reason I entertain now is if I know people will do something for me. I'll say, "I'll make you dinner if you sew some curtains for me." That's the kind of entertaining I'm doing. What are you going to do? I have this book out now; I just want to break all the rules.

» EXPRESS: What's the biggest problem that comes with hosting around the holidays?
» SEDARIS: People always talk about how uncomfortable it is to be around their families: "Oh, we have to get drunk." Really, then, why go? You're not doing anybody any favors. Or, fine — take something in pill form or have a couple cocktails. People say big fights always come out of the holidays. For me, you're lucky! That's fine! If two people get into a bad political discussion, or start arguing about what's on the table, I'd put those two people across from each other or right next to each other every year. It's saving your evening! It's like a fun little spectator sport! And plan as much as you can. It's going to be slim pickings at the grocery store the longer you wait.

» EXPRESS: Where is the line drawn on political discussion at a get-together?
» SEDARIS: I'm not that big of a political person. I'm always fascinated when someone has something interesting to say about politics. I like to listen to everybody, especially when it comes to politics, because I'm not very articulate about it. It would be nice if it didn't have to happen during the holidays. I'd rather people fight over the wishbone. Arguing about politics is like arguing about sports, or talking about a TV show — it can ruin things. It would be nice if, that kind of conversation, people could put off. People aren't going to agree.

» EXPRESS: What's a general no-no for guests preparing to go to a party?
» SEDARIS: I'm always amazed at people who insist on coming over with stuff. Usually, I say not to bring anything, and if people insist I'll give them the name of a wine I want to serve or have them get ice cream — something that's easy for people to pick out. The menu I've picked out, it is what it is. Half of the time, people who bring stuff over need to use the oven, or they need counter space, and I'm like, "Are you kidding me? No!"

» EXPRESS: What's a tip-off that a get-together someone is hosting is going to go badly?
» SEDARIS: You go over to someone's house just in time to see them put the turkey in the oven, and you think, "Goddamnit! I've got to come over here all day and drink cheap Chablis and eat nasty appetizers," and then, by the time there's food on the table, you're stuffed and drunk. I always eat around 6 o'clock at night, and have everything ready when people come over. We'll eat in a half an hour, and, afterward, whatever people want to do is fine. Hopefully they'll want to leave. It always makes me laugh when people expect you to spend eight hours with them. That's not fair!

» EXPRESS: Your appearance is at Sixth and I. Do you appear at a lot of synagogues?
» SEDARIS: Oh, yeah, that's my audience, man! [Laughs] No—never! I got a letter from a lady who said, "You don't have any Jewish recipes in your book!" Well, I didn't list any holidays, either. What do you want? I loved that letter.

» EXPRESS: Who usually shows up to these things?
» SEDARIS: I got the impression that this would be a bunch of hippie types, older, the type that make their own candles.

» EXPRESS: Has the book changed the kinds of events you do now?
» SEDARIS: I've got a craft fair coming up on Dec. 8 in Manhattan. I've put together a craft team called the Frayed Knots. We get together two or three times a week just to make stuff to sell at the fair. They're making real crafts, like, "Oh my God, how did you make that?" I'm making lighters and matches and decorating mayonnaise jars — stuff that's elementary. Tongue depressors, I've got those: I was thinking of sticking googly eyes on them, and telling people to stick them in the dirt next to their favorite plants.

Photos courtesy Grand Central Publishing