Couch Tomato: More Sex, Same City

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Express' Arion Berger hits the high and low notes in the world of television.

I PROMISED to make facetious lists of overrated and underrated shows this
week, but Christmas came early for the Couch Tomato. Despite the writers' strike keeping us glued to the likes of "Crowned" — not really — ABC has sent out screeners for the first two episodes of "Cashmere Mafia." (It'll get its first public showing during a sneak preview on Jan. 6 at 10 p.m.)

It doesn't have to be great; all this hourlong soap has to do is be better than NBC's "Lipstick Jungle," the same(ish) basic story cribbed directly from Candace "Sex and the City" Bushnell's book and the cause of a whole lot of hate between the networks. Everyone's looking for a new "SATC," and Bushnell's tale, which basically puts 10 years on her HBO hitmakers and lets them plausibly drink water at lunch, seemed like such a hot ticket that the nets are now scrabbling over who has rights to the concept.

If the pilot is any indication, "Cashmere Mafia" is gonna claw "Lipstick Jungle's" eyes out. I mean, NBC has Brooke Shields. How obvious.

What ABC has is Lucy Liu, Frances O'Connor, Miranda Otto and Bonnie Summerville as four hot thirtysomethings with spectacular jobs trying to negotiate love and work amid a boys' club known as Life. It also has brilliant direction from Peyton Reed ("Bring It On," "Down With Love"), who extracts grace notes from his cast that take the breath away.

The first "Charlie's Angels" movie and, two years ago, "The Hours," were about the same thing: how women have to do freaking everything. Liu's character in particular (in "Charlie's Angels") had to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never never let that lunkhead Joey Tribbiani know she kicked ass for a living. "Cashmere Mafia" carries on this sympathetic point of view by giving us four strong, beautiful New York women whom we know are wildly successful because they all work for companies with two names, like Parker/Bowles and Cutthroat/Gotrocks. They are each in totally janked work and home relationships.

Liu's Mia is proposed to by her boyfriend of one year (Tom Everett Scott, yummy as always), and then told that the two of them have a few days to Glengarry Glen Ross it out for the top job while the other will be left with a steaming plate of unemployment. When the going gets rough, Mia puts on a kicky golfing hat and gets going.

Juliet (Miranda Otto) is a high-powered investment banker who has to pour
coffee for the boys at meetings. Awkward! Also, her husband goes on "business trips" (sexy getaways) "to meet with clients" (schtupp cougars) in "other cities" (a block from home). Does she know? Does she care? Who does her hair? It is fabulous.

Zoe (O'Connor) is being held hostage at work by an entitled assistant bitch and at home by an entitled nanny bitch. "It's like Generation Y gave way to Generation ID," she complains to her husband. "I Deserve." Girl, call me; I've got stories.

Caitlin (Sommerville) gets dumped by her boyfriend but very soon is feeling no pain, as a gorgeous ad rep drops by to watch her knock things to the floor and bang her head. "Usually, that's my move" says gorgeous sales rep, and the angels sing in Caitlin's eyes. Have to admit, though, that line made me gay for the ad rep, too. She straps on four-inch silver spikes and runs off to church to ask God if she's gay. God's like, "Go for it. You could do worse."

The women's friendship feels strong and genuine. When Mia, Caitlin and Zoe prepare to tell Juliet about her philandering mate, they all show up in swank black dresses. "Great," says Mia. "We're all wearing black." "It is New York" says Zoe helplessly, hilariously. But I love how they realize they donned metaphorical mourning for their friend, and how, when Juliet enters the room (also in black), they look like a kindness of ravens with beautiful white arms.

OK, Lucy Liu has some serious costume fug during the first half — a gross leopard-print skirt with flowers and crap all over the hem; a Joseph-Josephine dress that's half black, half cheap, crinkled gold material like the sleaziest Christmas decor bows from Michael's; a hidge flower-print dress that Laura Ashley would deem too frilly and a gag-inducing pink top with gold medallions that looks like the loss-leader of the Grandma Hermes line. Still, "Cashmere Mafia" attributes to its heroines values no other show deems them worthy of: strength, grace and sweetness. As God said, you can indeed do worse — you could still be pretending to care about the umpteenth season of "Nip/Tuck."

Next week: Oh, lordy, who knows? My parents are coming in tonight, and I have to scrub cat barf off the nativity scene. In the meantime, happy holidays and we shall see you here next week, only slightly hung over.

Photo courtesy ABC