The Ads Are Their Credit: Eastern Motors

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NOT TOO LONG AGO, D.C. had a few contenders who could be crowned King of the Local Advertisers.

No more.

While Matthew Lesko and the Senate Insurance "Kiss My Bumper!" guy are faint, annoying memories, the Eastern Motors jingle, with its surprisingly infectious mix of mariachi instrumentation and rap vocals, has achieved a kind of earworm immortality. Plus, the advertisements feature motley crews of superstar athletes from the Redskins, Ravens, Wizards and more along with regular peeps — sometimes even mouthing the words to the jam and bouncing to the Eastern beat.

After watching these commercials, it would take a lobotomy to dislodge the "Your job is your credit" slogan from your brain. Still, some are better than others, which is why we've ranked the Top 10 Eastern Motors ads.

Nurse, get me a scalpel and drill bit, stat!

» 10. I have yet to see any of the new Eastern commercials featuring comedian Harland Williams on television, and I'm not convinced that's a bad thing. Eastern should be trying to reach customers who aren't fans of sports or hip-hop, but it isn't clear what market this ad is trying to cultivate. Scientists? Fake Germans? Fans of "Freddy Got Fingered"?

» 9. The popularity of Eastern's previous commercials must have encouraged it to adopt a bigger budget for some recent spots, as evidenced by the "special effects" in this ad. The morphing cars might have seemed novel in the early 1990s, but even then the ever-shifting height discrepancy between Antwaan Randle El and the actress would have been disconcerting.

» 8 & 7 The commercials in Eastern's "Training Camp" series are entertaining, but they might be sending an unintended message to potential customers. The spots purport to show Redskins players training a group of new Eastern salespeople, and the first few commercials in the sequence are somewhat amusing in an "Office Linebacker" kind of way. Inept employees are tackled or clotheslined for offenses like answering cell phones on the sales floor or failing to offer financing. The joke has gotten a little thin by the "Graduation Day" ad, when the trainees arrive in heavy bandages and, in one case, a wheelchair.

» 6. Just as the "Training Camp" ads might make viewers question the competence of Eastern employees, the Ray Lewis "Inspector 52" ads suggest quality problems with Eastern's actual vehicles. In each spot Lewis interrogates an intimidated repairman, before determining the part in question is not up to his standards and forcibly removing it. As with the other series, potential customers are left to wonder how the business is able to run on the days when NFL supervision is not available.

» 5. In addition to Fat Joe, this spot boosts some of Eastern's most creative editing to date, specifically the black and white flashback sequence and the random captions. "Yes Way!"

» 4. Although there have been creative variations recently, to me the classic Eastern Motors television ad will always include notable local athletes lip-syncing the jingle while posing in the finest vehicles on the lot. This particular clip won out because Clinton Portis and Brendan Haywood both deliver enthusiastic performances — and for once Ray Lewis appears to be in good spirits.

» 3. This parody is pretty self-explanatory, but take the time to appreciate that the production values are equal to those in the real ads.

» 2. One redeeming feature of the otherwise unsettling "Training Camp" series was the "Halftime Show" ad featuring rap artist and "Yo Gabba Gabba!" star Biz Markie. Innocent employees are spared in this one, because Lavar Arrington has taken it upon himself to personally assist customers. Arrington adheres strictly to the "Your job's your credit" maxim, giving Biz a car in exchange for performing a beatbox rendition of the jingle. This would be ranked number one if Biz actually attempted to reproduce the mariachi horns, but at least he wears what appears to be the original wig from the "Just a Friend" video.

» 1. Now and then Eastern opts to cast a professional entertainer in lieu of the usual jock coalition, and no disrespect to the ballers, but the difference is readily apparent. Comedian and actor John Witherspoon, probably best known for his role as Mr. Jones in the "Friday" movies, lip-syncs with a crotchety flair Lavar Arrington won't be able to muster until his next injury. The spot also includes a moment of pure absurdist humor when Witherspoon, clad in short-sleeved dress shirt and bowtie, licks his fingers with flourish while standing in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Only a Marion Barry cameo could make this better.

Written by Express contributor Meg Zamula