Nightly News Wrap: Prostitution Getting Squeezed at the Pump

WELCOME TO JULY 9! On this date 468 years ago, Henry VIII of England annulled his marriage to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves.

Future News Prediction: Sasha Baron Cohen gets the crap beaten out of him somewhere south of the Mason Dixon line.

Here is your Wednesday Top 5:

5) Gassing the Oldest Profession
Prostitution may be recession proof, but it's not immune to high gas prices. According to its Web site, a Nevada brothel has started offering patrons free petrol in an effort to stimulate business. Customers who pony up $50 at the Shady Lady Ranch, 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas, receive a $50 gas voucher. Go for a three-hour, $800 session and you get 150 bucks! "It's rocking along," says owner James Davis, who has already had to order more vouchers to keep up with demand. Can special orgy rates for those who car pool be coming soon?

4) Gangsta?
In a move which probably won't help his street cred, British rapper Nzube "Zuby" Udezue claimed that being arrested by police was scary and embarrassing. On his MySpace blog, Zuby, a self-proclaimed "hip hop phenomenon," said he has "never been so traumatised [sic] in [his] life," by the aggressive manner in which Bournemouth's finest took him into custody. Then again, I'm guessing since he's a computer science major at Oxford, his thug status probably doesn't have that far to fall.

3) No News Is Good News
Bad news for Romanian optimists. The European nation's high court today ruled that the government's new law requiring radio and television stations to give equal coverage to "good" and "bad" news was unconstitutional. The legislation had been passed unanimously by the Senate earlier this year, but was then challenged by opposition Liberal Democrats who claimed it infringed on freedom of expression. Proponents had argued that negative news has an "irreversible effect" on the well-being of citizens. Apparently that effect was less negative than the effect of forcing journalists to be positive.

2) Record Package
Stuff a T-bone steak down your pants and it may be flattering. Stuff two down there it's probably criminal. Stuff eight and you might break a world record, though you'll still probably get arrested. According to reports, at least two Cincinnatians have been arrested in the past week for doing just that: elevating shop-lifting to a competitive sport. First came a Winton Place man who was busted after "stuffing three packages of T-bone steaks down his shorts at a Walnut Hills Kroger." Then on Tuesday, Christopher Penn allegedly "stuffed eight T-bones down his pants at a Marsh supermarket, putting the old record to shame and landing himself behind bars on a theft charge."

1) Finger Biting Good
Of course when you can't get you hands on a T-bone, there's always cannibalism. Just ask Pamela Bumpers of Tampa, who is accused of biting off the finger of a woman while the two were waiting in line at a butcher shop. The 41-year-old allegedly got in a dispute with Jacqueline Wimbush, 39, about who should be served next at Aliana Meat Market. Wimbush had reportedly been given the number of a customer who left, leading to Seinfeldian ethics dilemma, which then degenerated into a Coen brothers moment.

And for dessert, here is your moment of schadenfreude:

Photo by Linda Davidson/The Washington Post