The Right White: Christian Lander on 'Stuff White People Like'

| Print Post This | Like (0) | Comments (2)

CHRISTIAN LANDER'S NEW book, "Stuff White People Like: The Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions," is a fast, funny read — but it could also help you out if you need a favor from a white person. As Lander notes, "There are good tips in here for really solid gains in terms of favors and friendships and exploitation."

When Lander talks about white people, he's talking about the "right kind of white people" — well-educated urban liberals like the author. These white people are wracked by guilt, plagued by a desire for authenticity and integrity, are probably in therapy and likely haunted by divorce — and Lander portrays these plaid-wearing vegans as a pitiful, easily manipulated breed. It's a rich vein for humor.

"If you meet a white person who has just finished college and has told you that they are moving to Brooklyn to become a writer, you should never under any circumstances suggest they are making a mistake. When they are this young, it's best to say, 'Of course, you have to take the chance now, because you may not have it when you are older. But I know you're going to make it.' This last bit of encouragement will virtually guarantee you a free place to stay when you visit New York City."

So, beyond "following their dreams," what are some things white people like? In no particular order: Dave Chappelle, "The Wire," expensive sandwiches, recycling, bicycles, apologies, "The Simpsons," architecture, marijuana, co-ed sports, Apple computer products, '80s nights, diversity, farmers markets, film festivals and dive bars.

As Lander's book arose from a popular blog, it's easy to see if his brand of humor is your cup of tea (which is also something white people like) before you buy the book: just go to stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.

And Landers' favorite entry in his book? Assists. "That's the one that always makes me laugh. It's always funny. Passing is an important part of white culture."

Express and Landers enjoyed a brief chat last week. He'll further discuss his book, blog and existence on Wednesday at Politics & Prose.

» EXPRESS: What have you been up to today?
» LANDERS: I was at Google, talking about my book. It was pretty awesome. They have a thing called "Authors at Google," where they bring in people who have books. It's one of the many, many, many perks of working there. Man, they have some perks. The food and the ball-pit, arcade games — pretty impressive.

» EXPRESS: A lot of "the right kind of white people" there?
» LANDERS: Yeah. The whole place was made for 'em — to cater to their whims.

» EXPRESS: What's the difference between the "wrong kind" of white people and the "right kind" of white people?
» LANDERS: Well, the fastest way is usually voting preference. Generally, the wrong kind of white people vote Republican. The wrong kind of white people prefer suburbs.

» EXPRESS: Do you remember Ann Coulter's book "How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)"?
» LANDERS: Yeah.

» EXPRESS: That could be the subtitle of this book as well, don't you think?
» LANDERS: Yeah. But this one goes even further [about] how to gain. There are good tips in here for really solid gains in terms of favors and friendships and exploitation and stuff like that. But I think my perspective might be just a little different than Ann Coulter's.

» EXPRESS: Have you had any feedback from anybody who said that they were able to use some of your tips on how to deal with white people?
» LANDERS: No, I wish. I have had a couple of people write in and say they wish they had this book before they left for college, because it would have explained so much about they learned, their first couple of years.

I have had people say that they tried the one about talking to someone who rode their bike into work and saying, "Hey, thanks. From the earth." And the person smiled and thought it was pretty funny. But it doesn't seem like anyone's taking full advantage of these tips yet.

» EXPRESS: I have an idea for something white people like: YouTube.
» LANDERS: You know what, though? YouTube is beloved by absolutely everyone. I mean, if you take a look at who's uploading videos of fights and coordinated dances, YouTube just spans all race and class.

But I would use YouTube as an interesting example. Obviously, my site attracts a lot of comments about race. And people are like, "Oh, it's because you're this lightning rod." I'm like, "No, pretty much any time you have open comments, it devolves into a lot of people leaving racist stuff." Like YouTube videos of a baby laughing: If it has more than six comments, one of them will probably be a huge racist diatribe. Seriously. It's unbelievable.

» EXPRESS: I like how you differentiate between "expert level" white people and normal white people.
» LANDERS: Well, one of the themes of the book is social competition. [For] older generations, that competition was about wealth and showing it off — "Oh, my car costs more than yours. My house is bigger than yours. My pants cost more than you." And we're in a generation that isn't impressed by that. It's impressed more by authenticity or environmental awareness or environmental kindness. So, there are these varying degrees of being a white person.

For example, if you only drink bottled water, that's entry level. If you only drink water out of a Nalgene bottle, that's a little better. If you drink out a big, metal, properly-made-in-fair-trade-conditions bottle, then you're advanced level. So, whatever white people like, take it to the next level, and that's how you become advanced.

So: You're vegetarian? Regular. Oh, you're vegan? One better. You can trump that? Raw food only. There's a lot of competition and you've always gotta strive to be the best.

» Politics & Prose, 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW; Tue., July 22, 7 p.m., free; 202-364-1919. (Van Ness)

Written by Express contributor Tim Follos

Photos by Jess Lander