Idol Chatter: The Fourth Wheel?

AUGUST IS A LONG WAY from January, when "American Idol" will once again cartwheel into our living rooms like a hyperactive 6-year-old. But when the show does return, there'll be a new head added to the three-headed judging monster that's served the show well for seven seasons.

Joining Randy, Simon and Paula will be singer/songwriter Kara DioGuardi!

[*sound of crickets chirping*]

You know, Kara DioGuardi, the hitmeistress behind songs for artists as varied as Ashlee Simpson, the Jonas Brothers the Backstreet Boys and Nick Lachey, boasting a discography that would fall under the "Jeopardy!" category "Songs Non-Tweens Violently Despise."

Yeah, I had to Google her, too.

The Fox suits were gosh, golly pleased as punch! to have DioGuardi join the show, and not just because they want to watch with bemused grins as Paula tries to slurringly pronounce her name.

"For the past seven seasons, Paula has had to endure the experience of being the only woman at the judges' table," said Mike Darnell, president, alternative programming of Fox, in a statement.

"With Kara by her side, Paula has some backup and now there is going to be a lot more 'girl power' on the show," Darnell said.

But since we've already got the repetitive one, the crazy one and the mean one at the judges table, what will DioGuardi's role on the show be?

Her suggestion: she'll be the (sigh) feisty one.

Quoth DioGuardi on americanidol.com:

I think I'll have my own take on things. And I kind of bring a unique experience in the sense that I sing and was a singer, and I write and I produce and I sign talent. And I'm very involved in the day-to-day of the music industry — like Simon. So I think I'll bring that perspective. But I'm also pretty opinionated, pretty feisty and not afraid of a good confrontation.

Um, except isn't Paula a singer? And Randy's done some songwriting and producing. And Simon signs talent. And isn't afraid of a good confrontation.

So what does she bring to the table that the others don't? Youth. Paula's 46. Simon's 48. Randy's 52. And Kara is a mere 37.

It seems that as its ratings have declined, "American Idol" has stooped to a time-tested TV crutch: Bring in somebody cute and young, stat.

It rarely works. Just look at the detritus that this tactic has produced: Scrappy Doo, the Smurflings, Andrew from "Family Ties," Cousin Oliver from "The Brady Bunch," Andy from "The Facts of Life" — the list goes on and on.

I fear that the dynamic we've all grown to tolerate — Paula snubs Simon, Paula pals with Randy, Simon insults Paula and Randy, Randy and Simon barely interact — will turn into a more forced regime of faux flirting and girl-power togetherness now that there's another gal in the house. Although they'll clearly all be battling for the sweet, sweet sustenance they derive from their precious airtime.

By the way, the nerd in me is compelled to ask: What happens when there's a tie vote among the judges during the auditions? Cage match? Jell-O wrestling?

In any event, we've got four months or so to prepare ourselves for another voice to join the "Idol" cacophony. But whether she'll be the show's great savior or its Great Gazoo has yet to be seen.

Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Posted By Greg Barber at 2:40 PM on August 25, 2008 Tagged in Arts & Events , Idol Chatter , Television

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