True Rumors: A Quicky Guide to 'Gossip Girl'

IN THE TV VERSION of New York City's Upper East Side, coke addictions run rampant, school uniforms get replaced with couture, everyone is hiding something — and there's always someone watching: Gossip Girl.

Based on the trashy teenage novels of the same name by Cecily von Ziegesar, The CW's "Gossip Girl" is probably the best show you're not watching. Despite tons of controversy from the Parents Television Council (or maybe because of it — OMFG!), "Gossip Girl" is getting more hype than ever, with the show's second season debuting Sept. 1.

And now is the perfect time to catch up on all the back-stabbing bitchery that Kristen Bell ("Veronica Mars," "Heroes") can narrate, as the first season of "Gossip Girl" hits DVD on Aug. 19.

With all the slickness of "The O.C." — "Gossip Girl" creator Josh Schwartz was also behind all things Ryan and Marissa back on Fox — the convoluted love triangles of "One Tree Hill" and the screwed-up parents of "Less Than Zero," "Gossip Girl" is here to take you for one "mind-blowingly inappropriate" ride — one of many "bad" reviews co-opted for the TV show's fall advertising campaign.

With all that mind-blowingness in mind, Express breaks down the five best things about this small-screen guilty pleasure.

5. THE CLOTHES
If only every high school student could have the unlimited budget — or a fashion designer parent, a la Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) and her mother Eleanor (Margaret Colin) — to spring for the high-end, more-expensive-than-your-entire-life-is-worth clothes featured in the show. Juicy Couture coats, limited-edition Valentino purses, countless strings of priceless pearls — get the lowdown on everything you can't afford with the DVD's "Gossip Girl Couture" extra feature. Costume designer Eric Daman, the cast and the crew talk about the show's fashion sense in this 14:06 segment, and though you might be viciously jealous of him by the time the feature is up, you'd probably still let him dress you. And your paper dolls, too.

4. THE SOUNDTRACK
Josh Schwartz's writing made "The O.C." a kind of "Beverly Hills: 90210" for a new generation, but it was Alexandra Patsavas' soundtrack that kept kids thinking they were cool (see: Adam Brody's Death Cab for Cutie fetish). Patsavas lends her music skills to "Gossip Girl" as well, and the result is the perfect mix of popular mainstream and outside-the-realm hipster, with featured artists such as Justin Timberlake, Amy Winehouse, Peter Bjorn and John, LCD Soundsystem and Figurines. Though the show doesn't feature live performances (yet, at least), there is an all-girl chorus, supposedly from the fictional Constance Billard School for Girls that the show's characters attend, that sometimes pops up to perform trashy pop songs and is always a welcome touch. Fergie's "Glamorous," sung in the "Poison Ivy" episode, has never sounded so bearable.

3. COMPLETE LACK OF REMORSE
Though "Gossip Girl" focuses on reformed good girl Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively), there are few other characters that don't tie the line between high-school evil and, well, real evil. Blair Waldorf succeeds in lying to Ivy League representatives about her former best friend's (Serena) rampant (but not actual) drug problem; Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) adopts a fake identity in order to seduce her former best friend's boyfriend (can't Serena catch a break?); and Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) targets freshman girls to be his next sexual "victims." The complete lack of remorse is appalling, but high school has always been rough, right? Plus, at least we don't have to live it — we can just watch others suffer. Guilty pleasure, indeed.

2. CHUCK BASS
Is there anyone more dubious, more conniving, more ridiculously disgusting than Chuck Bass? If so, hook us up. The wealthy, nihilistic, misogynistic jerk with constant "Zoolander" face channels both Holden Caulfield from "The Catcher in the Rye" and Sebastian Valmont from "Cruel Intentions," creating a character who seems to bathe in skeeze. In fact, his rant to best friend Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford) about his future pretty much sums it up: "What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem, but happiness does not seem to be on the menu." Somewhat like the Jeremy Piven of "Gossip Girl," he's the guy you love to hate — or love to love, whichever.

1. THE DIALOGUE
At the end of the day, the fashion, the music, the catty characters — nothing about "Gossip Girl" could really work if it weren't for the superb dialogue that acts as a cherry on top of the show's overall pretty ice cream sundae. Writers Schwartz and Stephanie Savage (also formerly of "The O.C.") bring all their wit and drama to the table, crafting clever lines for narrator Gossip Girl and every other featured character. For example, "Will it be a three-way, or D-Day?" asks Gossip Girl when discussing the love triangle between Serena, Blair and Nate. Or, "These butterflies must be murdered!" exclaims Blair when she learns Chuck may have actual feelings for her. And lastly, in "The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate," when Chuck rejects Blair: "You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now, you're like one of the Arabians my father used to own — rode hard and put away wet." It's not Shakespeare, but hey, it works.

Written by Express contributor Roxana Hadadi

Photos courtesy The CW