Runway Jury: Look to the Skies

IT'S NEVER TOO early to start thinking about Halloween. I don't know when this season was being filmed, but clearly the greatest holiday of the year was on all the designers' minds. This year, I'm thinking of roping a pal into stepping out with me as Kim and Aggie from "How Clean Is Your House?" A male friend, if possible. La, la, la, just trying not to think about the fact that Leanne got porked by the fashion gods once again.

Gah.

The very special guests promised in last week's teaser turn out to be the eliminated designers. They will team up with the still standing to create avant-garde looks based on the astrological sign of one member of the team. Terri acts as if the ousted scissor-monkeys are incredibly rude to thrust their presences back into the workroom. I'm sure Keith "Sulky McBitterpants" was thrilled to be back.

Weirdly, they're all either Sagitarius, Aquarius or Libra. It's telling, if you believe in this tripe, that the ousted designers are the wild cards — a stray Cancer (Kelly), Stella, Emily and Wesley are Scorpios, Jennifer's a Taurus (which is kind of funny), Keith a Leo. The one anomaly among the remaining designers is the sore thumb, Straight Joe, who is not only an Aries but an utter meatball about this challenge which, like every other challenge, like the view outside his window, the current CBS prime-time lineup and his morning bagel is a threat to his hard-won heterosexuality. Hang on to it, Joe! It can slip from your grasp at any moment!

Tim Gunn hands the teams a fake-ass "dossier" containing the common mythologies of each sign and leaves the teams to disintegrate into puddles of passive-aggressiveness and chiffon. Man, these people do not work well with others. The drag queen episode has less drama.

MYSTERY SEWING MACHINE THEATER
Jerell and Jennifer are going with Jerell's sign, Sagitarius, and it's a good thing that, as he notes, "I can pull something avant garde out of my ass." Oh, you will, Jerell. You will. Tim hates their fabric choices, but I think I love the skirt — a high-waisted tweed with scoopy panels over the hips.

Terri prays to the shade of Saint Laurent that she won't be paired with Keith, so of course she's paired with Keith. Now, last week, we heard a lot of griping from the designers about Terri's bad attitude and snotty comments. (You have to listen closely and turn up the volume to hear it over Kenley's shrill, milk-curdling laughter.) But the editors omitted any evidence of Terri actually acting badly, saving it up for this donnybrook, like, opening the episode by gloating, "Ding-dong, the witch is dead!"

Whoa, whoa, hold on here, missy. Stella may have had her faults, like, uh, she was in over her head a bit, but that was uncalled for.

The two of them create a perfect storm of juvenile behavior — Keith claims his right to be bitter and fragile after his aufing and throws himself into the challenge with all the verve of a garden slug. Terri overrides him at Mood; announces, "He can count the pins that fall on the floor"; excludes him from every aspect of the design.

Kenley gloats over her stupid princess costume loudly and nonstop and loudly and shrilly and LOUDLY. "I'm just having fun, and some girls don't like that," she interviews. They don't mind your fun, honey. They would just appreciate you shutting the hell upfor one blessed second while they're working.

Blayne and Stella choose Libra, and to that end, Blayne says "manifest" a lot, but Tim Gunn still doesn't understand what he's talking about. Stella's very sweet and announces she's not worried about herself losing, but about Blayne losing.

Leanne and Emily are doing Leanne's Scorpio, with an exoskeleton of her trademark crescents. It does look very chic, and Tim loves the idea.

Kenley ordered Wesley to fetch a hideous floral, a hideous zebra print and a hideous plaid. Tim cautions her about the fine line between avant garde and costumey, and Kenley snaps, "What's costumey about it? What play is this from?" Play? Tim whips back "Glenda the Good Witch of the North" — how gay is that, that he know which direction Glenda was from? — but Kenley dismisses him. "Don't listen to me," Tim says, defeated. Aw, I think her fangs grew two sizes that day. Wesley knows he's going down on a sinking ship, so he tries to do as little as possible to contribute to it. Wise boy, that Wesley.

Tim visits Terri's Leo design and notes, as Keith did, that the faux fur looks like chewed rat hides. He even kindly tries to draw Keith into the procedure, calling him "innovative" and saying, "I hope this is a good synergy between the two of you," Keith weakly offers that maybe they could construct it differently and still get good drama from the look. Terri lashes out, "That's the most feedback I've gotten." Hey, Keith, look out for that bus!

MOVING THE GOALPOSTS
Not only will there be no immunity ever again ever, but two designers will be going home. And one more thing: A note from Heidi announces that the teams have until 8 p.m., not midnight, to complete their designs, and the looks will be paraded at a party at the Planetarium. Which is filled with previous PR contestants, whom Heidi calls "some of my favorite New York designers." It's Jay! Squeeee! Daniel Vosovich cut his hair. Poopy.

At the party, Heidi and Kenley get into a boob-off, which isn't what you think, boys (should any straight boys be reading this). Kenley is the rudest person God ever sent down the pike, and not Terri rude — Terri's just mean — but she thinks everything she says and does is aboslutely adorable. She's an impenetrable wall of bitch.

LET'S START THE SHOW
Nina's back — hope you're feeling better, less headachy and unemployed. The guest judge is Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein.

Korto and Kelly are right in the middle of the pack with their Aquarius gown of multiple blues with purple Leanne-style straps over the shoulders.

Joe and Daniel's Aries dress is a flaming flamenco number with sheer sleeves and a really cool dropped bodice. The multiple poofs on the skirt look a little like a balloon valance, but it's a pretty fab effort overall.

Leanne is such a mousy little dark horse, with her exoskeleton over a divine red dress — a wearable, knee-length dress, by the way. It's salabe and avant-garde and hewed to the specifics of the challenge. I call her and Emily for the win, and I am wrong.

Heidi kicks off the winners and keepers, leaving three losers on the runway.

Blayne insists he was playing with weight and scale. He's actually playing with granny panties, baggy nude leggings and a diarrhea explosion of eye-searing blue and red chiffon. Nina calls it "haphazard," which is Spanish for "puke-inducing." Costa calls it "costumey," which is Italian for "wretched." Michael Kors cuts to the chase and announces that once again, "She is pooping fabric. Come on!" Which is English for "auf."

Terri's cheap-looking gold dress is topped with a brownish bodice, two stripes of feathers and huge red vinyl poof sleeves. We'll have to keep "huge poof sleeves" in perspective, though. Terri and Keith start taking over one another about the other's hatfulness and Kors, fully on top of his game tonight, shoots that dog in the head: You have to learn to collaborate, and she looks like "voodoo princess in hell." Even the model is shocked, muttering, "Oh, my God."

Poor Wesley prays for the Earth to open and swallow him while Keney dementedly defends her whack-ass Minnie Mouse creation as "definitely inspired by the Aquarius: rebellion, strength, strong and purple." Yup, that's how I like my men. She claims to not look at real designers' collections, and all the judges smirk sadly.

"Suede didn't wanna take it too crazy." Can you make it pretty? He and Jerry have made a wafty blue silk jumpsuit with a chiffon cape.

Jerell wins for his outfit, which defies cohesion, not that the judges call him on it — tweed skirt, gold top and insane jacket with multi-textured sleeves. Surreal Jennifer is happy for him, and he adorably says, "I definitely think I can keep wining all the way through Bryant Park until I get my novelty-size check."

Blayne is outlicious. Terri's poor attitude and cheap-looking dress get her evicted. Check out her bitter, mean-spirited exit video on bravotv.com. Bye, Terri! Ain't nobody sucking on your titties, now.

Best quote: "Clenching, cinching, clawing." Ah, I miss Jay.

Best exchange: Jerry, whispering: "I think we should leave it open."
Suede: "Should I be doing anything down here?"
Jerry: "Just ... why are we whispering?"

Next week: On the runway, Jerell wears a kicky little feather cap Rosalind Russell would have arm-wrestled him for. So what are you gonna be for Halloween?