Runway Jury: Pink Elephants on Parade
NOTHING MAKES SENSE anymore. I'm not seeing what the judges are seeing. Kenley may be delusional, but I'm beginning to wonder whether La Vache Qui Rit is just the victim of spores the government has released or something. I mean, judging from the judging in this episode, I'm delusional, perhaps we all are.
Heidi comes out wearing an itty-bitty back dress with the interior shoulder strap showing and introduces some "very special ladies." A freaky oversize hobbit silhouette behind the PR scrim turns into a middle-aged woman. But the wrinklies on the runway are not the designers' clients, to Leanne's relief, as "None of us wanted to design for a bunch of old ladies, to be honest." Oh, be honest, do, Leanne. I'm sure you'll want to wear fabric-noodle-covered miniskirts well into your 50s. See? Delusional.
The clients are the ladies' daughters, who have recently graduated from college and are about to enter the professional world, they need workplace-appropriate outfits. What they really need is hair makeovers — clothes you can buy, but these chicks have some skank-ass headsuits.
Kenley gets Anna, who is wearing a loud vintage plaid dress and is going to be an assitant buyer.
Korto's Megan is thinking about med school and likes dresses. She's very pretty.
Jerell's gotten artsy Caitlin, who's a great clotheshanger with an androgynous look.
Leanne's client, Holly, is looking to become Leanne-in-an-alternate-universe, an elementary-school teacher. She needs to look authoritative, but has a passion for animal prints. Uh, this won't end well.
Suede's got Avital, who majored in photography, and wants something easy to lug equipment around in that's still interview-professional. Understandably, she wants pants, which is "not Suede's thing" — because he's lazy, retarded and, what's the word? Oh, yeah — delusional — but he's "gonna have to go down that pant road." Man, if running up a pair of trousers is the psychological equivalent of performing major surgery, maybe Suede's in the wrong profession.
Joe's client, Laura, is going into graphic design, likes bright colors and has a nose ring. At Mood, he hunts for a pinstriped fabric. The spores, I wonder whether they're in the water or the air.
"From drag queens to college graduates with nothing in between. This is the world we're living in," moans My Heterosexual Viewing Companion, who's given up on this episode and buried his nose in "The Theatre of Tennessee Williams, Volume 3."
MYSTERY SEWING MACHINE THEATER
The designers are amazed at the amount of space they suddenly have in the workroom without Terri's poisonous personality noxiousing up the place.
This contrived question of the week asked of the designers is, "What was your first job?" It's as boring as it sounds.
The clients come in and respond to the designs with varying amounts of horror or enthusiasm. Joe's client hates the pinstripes — maybe she hasn't ingested any spores yet. La Vache Qui Rit brays about how cool and wonderful her dress is and how much she loves it and what a frickin' genius she is.
Leanne's client's mom whines that the blue dress and gray jacket are unflattering and makes Holly look flat-chested. "One sexy teacher dress, coming up," Leanne sing-songs once they're gone.
Joe is planning to work in a pocket square, for a "crazy pop of color." "Do most girls have an assortment of pocket squares on them?" Jerell asks matter-of-factly.
HOUSE PARTY
Tim Gunn brings in a special guest — Jeannie Syfu, lead styist for the product-placed blah blah. Is this a thing, being a stylist? I find it confusing. She announces that the winning look is going in Elle magazine, even though no one on this show is associated with Elle. While the grads meet with the hair stylists, with the designers hovering over their chairs, I take the opportunity to get on piperlime.com and order a pair of Boutique 9 "Lazer" boots with lace-up front for the fall, courtesy MHVC's MasterCard.
Tim Gunn breezes through the workroom and slays everything in his path. Suede ahs finally made a pair of sleeves, and of course they're wack and of uneven length. When confronted on his dumpy '80s business suit, Joe admits he didn't want to focus on the graphic-designer aspect of his client's, uh, future job, but on, the, uh, job she'll never have on Wall Street. At, like, Bear Sterns or some other nonexistent place.
Tim makes reasonable suggestions to Kenley, who sneers that Tim doesn't really get me — oh, honey, yes he does — and that "I never really listen to what he says." That's the way to get to Bryant Park, you raging psychotic; work it!
Joe calls home to prove he had a daughter via heterosexual relations. I don't know why he bothers, since he's going to be home with his family by nightfall.
LET'S START THE SHOW
The guest judge is the fabulous Cynthia Rowley.
Joe's outfit is the awful pinstriped skirt, hideously gaping wrap-around blouse in faded-look plaid and a ridiculousy conductor's swallowtail jacket. Cynthia Rowley and her very, very high eyebrows wonder why Joe didn't consider any other options besides a suit. Michael Kors busts on him for the bone-headed obviousnes of equating professional with pocket square, and La Vache Qui Rit and her bitch of a mini-me laugh out loud, heaving and giggling like the Mean Girls they are. Nina calls the look "a total cliché."
Leanne's client is wearing that gorgeous blue dress with a muted purple panel on the front and a too-boxy, I think, gray jacket with classic Leanne flourishes. The judges are very relieved when the jacket comes off. I hear that.
Jerell's high-waisted brown skirt and long, nicely made cardigan are lovely, but he's paired the skirt with a satiny cocktail-party top that's very pretty but awfully foofy. Turns out the feathered chapeau Jerell is sporting was meant to be worn by the client. A good last-minute choice. He is such a doll with her; I'm liking him more every week.
Korto has a fabulous sense of print, so her green-and-white dress is bold without being busy. But it's waaaaay too short, and the awful brown jacket on top is just, to wax Tim Gunnly, confounding. But Michael Kors calls it current, so whatevs, and Cynthia loves the jacket. It's just me, clearly. Her eyebrows, seriously, are just below her hairline.
OK, sorry, I love Suede's dress (shown at right). It's a little dancey, but I adore the brown-and-purple print and the proportions of it. The over-constructed jacket is also sassy — a little fashion school, but it's a lot of look — and would have been terrific over THE PANTS SHE ASKED FOR. Sheesh. The judges hate it. Nina even refuses to talk about it, she's so angry. "Ouch," says Suede. Save it for your aufing next week, cockatiel boy.
That Bitch and Mini Bitch are both thrilled with the busy print dress with a menswear-inspired vest and really unfortunate pink belt. Nina and Cynthia think it's cute.
Jerrel wins — congratulations, Jerell; you're a sweetie. Even if I think the outfit wasn't work-appropriate and Leanne should have won again. The bottom two are Joe and Suede, and Joe's out — MHVC exults loudly at this — leaving Suede to annoy us all for one more week.
Joe doesn't feel he deserves to leave and mentions his daughter, which he had with a woman, because he's straight.
Next week: Tim Gunn calls it the "most unique show" they've ever done. Oh, Tim, for a man with such respect for words, why do you hurt me so? Anyway, "most unique" apparently means street style, and LL Cool J is the guest judge.
Photos courtesy Bravo
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Addison Road
I just googled La Vache Qui Rit - Kenley IS a laughing cow! Dang, that girl's got some big teeth on her!!!
By LMAO , Posted September 18, 2008 2:56 PMeven though no one on this show is associated with Elle
Have you forgotten "Nina Garcia, editor-at-large for Elle magazine"?
And I was just as shocked as you were at "most unique"! Poor Tim - he must be really tired to say something like that!
By jlp , Posted September 19, 2008 12:29 AMNina was fired earlier this year. The show was shot before her firing, but it may sting to see the "winning look" in her erstwhile magazine. And to think that bitch Anne Slowey still has a job...
By Arion Berger , Posted September 19, 2008 2:14 PMJerell's pocket-square comment for the win. His biting comments come off a bit more geniune than, uh, Kenley's verbal assaults. And I'm glad we got an explanation for Jerell's leafy hat, too, that one would have bugged me like a Lost-level mystery.
I liked Suede's design as well, I fear to admit. But it really, really doesn't have any sort of workplace-sense about it. At all.
Scenes from next week: can't wait.
By PMMJ , Posted September 19, 2008 4:08 PMI can't understand how the judges liked Korto's design, but not Suede's. I understand the problems with Suede's, but I thought it was rather hip, myself.
The big gap in Korto's jacket made me crazy, haha.
And Kenley? Lord, let that girl be GONE next week.
By chchick , Posted October 2, 2008 12:20 PM