Baggage Check: Benched by the Watercooler

GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

It seems everyone at my work is in a fantasy football league. Whether it's past games or future matchups, the talk never ends. I have no interest in football, certainly not fantasy football. And I resent that it seems that my office finds it okay for it to become the dominant social culture for months out of a year. Several of my coworkers who I used to be social with now are swept into this (and they're women, so I just don't get it.) I feel like I am at a disadvantage professionally because I don't participate in this. Am I off base? — Benchwarmer

It's understandable that you feel a bit put off if all of your office seems obsessed with bye weeks and bench points. Since the advent of the coffee maker, certain aspects of cube culture have made some people feel left out. (Good riddance to the things that are blatantly — or latently — discriminatory.) But I think you might be surprised to find that fantasy football itself has a lot less to do with shin guards and sweat stains than camaraderie and playful competition.

You can attempt to reserve no-league-chat-allowed lunches with your old buddies, but you might need to go with the flow and make more of an effort not to write them off; they're the same people they've always been. If it truly becomes intolerable, then it might be an issue of office incompatibility: like tee-totalers among boozers, golf-haters among wannabe Mickelsons, and me among people whose socks match, sometimes feeling like a square peg can drive someone to distraction and warrant a change.

I am 39 and have been with my live-in boyfriend for two years. Every time I go out to a meal or coffee with my sister and her two daughters — usually every other week for 3-4 hours, he has an ugly attitude and does not talk to me when I return home. We have talked about it, and he has never said in words that he does not like me either to leave him alone or to hang out with my family, but his new thing is to go out and not tell me where he is going (he says, "I do not feel the need to tell you.") I did not argue with him but I told him that was disrespectful. I will not stop seeing my family just because he does not want me to. For what it's worth, he is very shy and quiet. He does not have friends in the area; he is not close to his family, who are long-distance. — Frustrated in DC Area

Hey, I could have you tried in Relationship Court for aiding and abetting. When it comes to his non-communication, you're like his getaway car!

Clearly, he's bothered by what you're doing. And he's refusing to help you make it better, but you seem to be accepting his obstinance. He seems to prefer avoiding unpleasant emotions (who doesn't?), so he might respond better to a letter or email than the pressure and discomfort of talking face to face.

But he can't get away with being passive-aggressive, and you can't get away with declaring that you won't change without making a better attempt to really find out what's bothering him.

Invite him along to coffee or dinner; offer to shorten your outings; invite your family over rather than going out with them — anything to show you're willing to be flexible. But if he doesn't budge, a relationship reality check is in order: there's a fine line between moodiness and bullying.

Art by Eric Reece for Express