Where the Not-So-Wild Things Are: Rating Animals at National Zoo

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Express contributor Meg Zamula presents a selection of unconventional zoo superlatives from her recent trip there.

EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT priorities when visiting the National Zoo. Some seek out the cutest animals, others delight in the creepy and reptilian, and some prefer the size and majesty of the elephants. So, whether you're a panda partisan or a flamingo enthusiast, the Zoo has a creature to accommodate every taste.

» Best Animal for People Prone to Claiming Pandas Are "Overrated": Sloth Bears
I put myself in this category, and indeed, the sloth bears are my personal favorite. They are decidedly shaggy and will probably horrify the manicure-addicted, but sloth bears are still cute in an endearingly unkempt way. They are also more active than their moniker might lead you to believe: I've seen sloth bears pace, scratch themselves and pace around scratching themselves. It's compelling stuff.

» Best Animal for People Who Don't Waste Their Time Thinking About How Other People Are Appraising Things All the Time: Giant Pandas
They always seem to be indoors, sitting and eating bamboo, but for whatever reason no zoo animal holds more universal charm than the giant pandas. Beloved cub Tai Shan is now three and not so tiny, but crowds still congregate to pay homage. Giant pandas aren't the only animals in the zoo logo for nothing. I find red pandas cuter, but since they are nearly impossible to spot in their habitat, their monochromatic counterparts get the nod.


» Most Provocative Animal: Pygmy Hippos
After a memorable childhood zoo excursion I am always expecting to walk in on the giant tortoises in an intimate moment. Mercifully, they restrained themselves on this visit. While I've avoided sexually charged zoo incidents since that rather traumatic experience, my two male companions did comment upon the hippos' genitalia, so check out the Elephant House if you're feeling perverse.

» Weirdest Animal: Chambered Nautilus
How does it move? What does it eat?Why does it look like a stack of pancakes? Does that serve an evolutionary advantage?

» Most Animated Animal: Grevy's Zebra
While many of the more active animals appeared to be trying to escape their habitats (the bird of paradise in particular seemed to be craving a change of scenery), the zebras may as well have been trying out for a circus. They ran, they pranced, there was some nonsexual mounting. Like the giant pandas, the zebras also benefit from a refreshing monochromatic palette after many brownish and grayish animals. A girl outside the clouded leopard exhibit was complaining that the animals weren't as active as "Madagascar" had led her to believe, and while the zebras aren't animated in that sense, they are entertaining and always easy to spot.

» Most Indifferent Animal: Western Lowland Gorillas
While the orangutan across the way was sifting grass and pressing against the glass, attracting an enthusiastic crowd, the gorillas were having none of it. One leaned unmoving against the wall, staring blankly. In the adjoining enclosure, another lay completely still in a hammock, seemingly asleep but for the utterly bored glaze in his open eyes.

Photos courtesy the National Zoo