Baggage Check: Not Ready to Discuss Health

GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I just started seeing a guy, and he told me that he had a kidney transplant more than five years ago. I already decided that his health would not be a deal-breaker, but he seems to avoid the topic because he says it brings back bad memories. All I want is for him to open up and include me in the issue of his health prognosis. I want to know what is ahead of me. Is that so bad? — Wondering

I feel like someone trying a vegan pizza for the first time ­— no, it's not so bad. But it's also not so bad for him to want to wait before spilling his guts about something that was probably an intensely personal experience.

You have to take into account that you "just started seeing" this guy. Just think of how long it takes in a typical relationship for certain things to come out — a gambling habit, workaholic tendencies, an obsession with Zamfir. So, it might make sense that this guy wanted to wait a bit before giving you his full health rundown.

Give it a little more time, if you can stand it. And then, as things start to feel more serious, you can gently bring up that you feel like you don't know a lot about this aspect of his life, and you'd like to hear more. But try hard not to sound like an insurance actuary: Give him a patient and empathetic ear that lets him know you're courting him, not his kidney.

I'm not very religious (born Catholic), and my boyfriend is Muslim. He's not much into it, but he respects his parents above everything, and they're arranging his marriage back in his country. Sometimes I want to end it, but I love him so much. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a choice, since in his culture not going along with this wedding could mean family conflict, or even being disowned. He has insinuated that he would like to take me as a second wife. But I have been very clear I would never go along with that. I'm so confused. — Anonymous

As much as I feel for you, I don't quite get the confusion. Your boyfriend has declared his intent to marry someone else, and the only wiggle room he's acknowledged is in the form of an option that you would never want to take. I can see pain, grief, regret, even anger — but sadly, I don't see much to be confused about.

To help you take steps forward, you need to make your boyfriend understand that you need clarity. I'm not minimizing his predicament at all — it's a heartbreaker. But indecisiveness and wishy-washiness help no one, and hurt you more with each passing minute. He'll either marry this woman or he won't; he'll either go against his family or he won't. Give him a date to let you know for sure, no turning back, and then move on accordingly — your heart deserves nothing less.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece for Express