Baggage Check: Fighting Fatigue

GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I am always so tired. I really think I get enough sleep, but I just never seem to have any energy. My friends hit the town all weekend and do things on weeknights, and all I want to do is come home and veg. I get lonely and don't really want to spend this time alone but can barely even put on cute clothes to go out. I need to know whether this is normal or whether there is something wrong with me! I don't want to be a homebody forever, but lately my friends seem to be giving up on me. Is this just being lame? How do others seem to have the energy to do all this stuff all the time?

— Bump on a Log

Just like when I visualize a nauseatingly bad Wesley Snipes movie, I'm reminded here of the connection between mind and body.

You need a thorough physical; bring up your fatigue specifically. Medications, hormones, viruses, nutritional deficiencies, thyroid function and sleep apnea can all affect energy levels.

Fatigue is also a repeat offender as a mental health symptom. You say that you believe you get enough sleep, but do you know for sure? Are you a frequent waker, or a tosser and turner, or is it taking longer for you to fall asleep than you realize?

More pressing, you mention feeling "lonely" -- and along with your lack of motivation and drive, I can't help but wonder whether there's some underlying depression. Of course, you might also be just mildly bored, unenthused or unstimulated.

Finally, remember who you're comparing yourself to. The Energizer Bunnies who live among us are notorious for making normal couch-communers feel like sloths.

I have a friend who is Ms. Nicey Nice about everything on the surface but then says subtle comments that are cutting and ugly, just enough to hurt, but not enough that you can call her out on it. Example: When eating out at this Mexican place, I was eating a bit more than most and she said, "Wow -- I could never eat like that!" At first, it doesn't seem so bad, but the more I process it in my mind, I feel like it's a horrible thing to say. Another time, I had a date with this guy who went to her college, and she made some comment about how he "never crossed her radar." Our mutual friends don't seem to notice it as much as I do, but I know it is there.
— It's Driving Me INSANE!

Granted, the last thing I want to be reminded of while serving as a veritable loading dock for chips and guacamole and sour cream is how much I'm eating. But since your friends don't seem to notice it as much, I do wonder whether these examples are just bad choices of words.

But no two friendships have the same dynamic. And there could very well be a competition of sorts between you that's driving her to needle you and making you become an easily bruising pincushion. You can go the sarcastic route and fight passive-aggressive with aggressive, but that puts a lot of toxicity into the air.

Instead, maybe remember that one of the beauties of being an adult -- beyond the ability to eat unlimited cheesecake batter -- is that you have the right to choose your friends. And when one of them is proving more trying than a DMV outing, it might be time to get some distance. After all, she can't critique your eating or your dating if you don't offer it up for consumption.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece