Baggage Check: No Ring, No Relationship?

GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

My boyfriend and I are 27, have been together for three years and have lived together for two. Before we moved in together, he told me he wasn't ready for marriage but could see himself marrying me. We're still nowhere near an engagement. He has a laundry list of reasons — too young, none of his friends are married, etc. I recently asked whether he thought he'd be ready to get engaged in a year. He got upset, so we agreed to revisit in a year. I believe that it's not that he's not ready, but that he's not sure I am "the one." I'm beginning to emotionally "check out." How long is reasonable for me to wait for him? — Anonymous

These questions are tough because personality factors determine people's notions of being ready and finding "the one." There are those who knew within an hour that they'd met their match, and there are those who still second-guess those socks they bought two weeks ago. Naturally, if a couple have different styles, it can bring complications.

But the most you can do is to take this one day at a time. Your relationship is only as good as it is in the present. You're checking out; he's coming up with excuses that sound a little off-point (None of his friends are married? Puh-lease.) It seems that both of you aren't being completely honest with each other.

You're resentful because you feel like you're more invested than he is — an awful place to be. Until he can convince you that it's really a matter of when rather than who, that won't go away. But you've got to think hard about whether you're convince-able. Proposal by ultimatum seems about as romantic — and prudent — as proposal by enema. Your task is to figure out whether he — this very evening, ringless and with only his words to let you know how he feels — is enough.

My boyfriend is into some recreational prescription drug use. I am not a prude and have plenty of bad habits myself, but I need a reality check about how likely this is to be a bad thing. (My dad was an alcoholic, and I don't want to go down that path again.) — Wondering

There are more prescription meds out there than you can shake a stick at (that's the scientific term, yes) — and they all carry very different effects and risks with recreational use, from turning your life upside down to simply not being a fabulous idea. The most common categories — painkillers, stimulants and depressants — each carry cause for concern. But you need not be a medical encyclopedia. Talk to him. Try to see his motivations and his vulnerabilities. Be on the lookout for warning signs of increased use and tolerance, withdrawal, mood swings and self-destructive behavior — and never ignore your gut.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Express contributor Eric Reece