Hail to the Chef: The Last New York Supper

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Express Karmah Elmusa recaps culinary last wishes on "Top Chef."

LAST WEEK'S "TOP CHEF" was a debacle. Well, the challenges were top notch (writhing eel!), but sending Jamie home over Leah made me question the judges', uh, judgment. But this week's all-star lineup of guests and the most positive possible outcome for a top four cauterized the wound.

Say farewell to NYC, foodies, because after this episode its off to the Crescent City for the semi-finals. There's only time for one last supper.

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE

This week's guest-judge is molecular gastronomy master Wylie DuFresne, owner of wd~50 in New York. What is molecular gastronomy, Hosea? "It's standing food on its head." Close enough, we'll take it.

If I had to guess what said molecular gastronomist's favorite food was, I would have gone with something involving foam or smoke. Nope — Wylie turns out to be a simpleton ... he's all about the incredible, edible egg. The remaining five cheftestants must make him something with eggs and they have an hour to do it.

Long, yolk-filled story short: Fabio makes dessert, not breakfast, and Wylie is unimpressed. Stefan's panna cotta and eggs benedict duo is awesome. Leah's "fake egg" is cute, her potato ravioli is too heavy. Hosea's trio of Japanese weirdness is just aiight. And then there is Carla. As she herself said, "molecular gastronomy and Carla is like oil and water." So instead of attempting anything too crazy, she goes for a perfectly cooked green eggs (spinach!) and ham a la Dr. Seuss. And guess what, show offs? She wins the quickfire, and then she celebrates with a boisterous series of "Badows!!!!" D.C. represent.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE

The premise of this challenge is one of my favorites in "Top Chef" history, despite it being awkwardly reminiscent of a death row practice. Five of the culinary world's most prominent figures have to choose what they would have for a last meal, and then each are assigned a cheftestant to cook it for them. After a knife-block drawing, the pairings are as follows.

Carla is to cook for the godfather, Jacques Pepin. For his last meal, Pepin would like squab and fresh peas.

Stefan draws Aquavit restaurant owner Marcus Samuelsson, who requests salmon and spinach for his final supper.

Fabio selects fellow Italian chef Lidia Bastianich, who wants roasted chicken, roasted potatoes and a leafy green salad.

Leah gets to work with Mr. DuFresne from the quickfire, who wants (youuu guessed it), eggs benedict!

Last but not least, Hosea is paired with editor Susan Ungaro, who chooses shrimp scampi and tomate provencale as her farewell dishes.

The chefs have $300 to shop with and two hours to cook, and then each presents his or her dish to the whole slew of famous folk, plus Padma, Tom and Toby Young. Based on the crickets he hears every time he makes one of his "jokes" or "analogies" I have the feeling I'm not the only one who thinks this was a poor casting decision.

During prep, there's a commotion and it turns out that Fabio's pinkie is the problem. He somehow manages to break it. He gets taped up, but what follows is a painful montage of him attempting to peel potatoes and teeny weeny onions with 9 fingers and an awkward impromptu cast. Fabio's fans (everyone, let's be honest) are shaking in their boots nationwide.

Time to serve. The set up on this meal is almost laughable — the producers have run wild with a literal interpretation of this "Last Supper" theme. First of all, the whole thing iis shot with this dimly lit, gauzy method that gives it a eerie yet familar vibe. Then, we note that the judges are all sitting on one side of a long table. The familiarity gives way to full-blown recognition — I get it! This is da Vinci's "The Last Supper," except way creepier. Also I'm pretty sure Tom believes he's the Jesus at this table. Toby to play Judas, anyone?

The food is generally well-received — most notable, Carla's squab and peas and Fabio's chicken. Of his dish made by Carla, Jacques Pepin states that he could "die right now and be happy." Now if that isn't a compliment, I'm not sure what is .

Leah and Hosea are both floating somewhere in the realm of "pretty good, a few mistakes." In a shocking turn of events, Stefan's salmon is unanimously dismissed as overcooked, and there's some grumbling about his spinach as well. Could the favorite to win be bowing out before the playoffs? I'm on the edge of my seat.

JUDGES TABLE

Toby, Padma and Tom are joined here by Jacques Pepin, and all five cheftestants face the judges at once. Leah is reprimanded for her runny hollandaise, Hosea for his tomate provencale, and Stefan for ... well, most of his dish. Fabio is declared the winner and given a magnum of Terlato wine and a trip to Napa Valley for two. Carla is also sent on her way with praises and a spot in the top four. Both Fabio and Carla have made it to New Orleans — dare I hope for more good news?

Turns out I do. In a pretty shocking move, "Top Chef" ignores what was most certainly the worst dish of the evening (Stefan's) and sends Leah packing. So much for that whole "anyone can go home at any time" thing. But in truth, I'm relieved. Losing our bad guy/biggest talent and sending Leah to the finals would've been too much to handle.

I'll see everyone in New Orleans next week for the semi-finals ... Go Carla! And Fabio!

QUOTES OF THE WEEK (mostly from Fabio)

» Fabio: I'm gonna go back there and shoot myself — I did an airplane salad.
» Fabio (on the wine he wins): I think it's-a gonna be gone in a couple hours.
» Fabio: Go to the hospital? I'd rather chop my finger off and put it on the flat top. Tomorrow I'll deal with my finger.
» Fabio: I always say that's so easy I can do eet with one finger tied on my back, but I don't mean it!
» Fabio: I got so many kick in my ass that sometime when I am in the bathroom I poop shoes out of my ass.
» Carla: I feel like a tortoise and suddenly I'm speeding up and pulling ahead (accompanied by demonstration of what appears to be a tortoise running through a swimming pool of molasses).

And finally ...

» Fabio: It's "Top Chef," not "Top Pussy."

Now, my five faithful readers, let's play a game: If you had one meal left ... what would it be? I'll go first. A bacon cheeseburger, medium rare. Topped with sharp cheddar, caramelized onions, mayo and BBQ sauce. Duck fat fries on the side with a slew of dipping sauces. Top that!