Baggage Check: Moving Forward After a Mistake In the Workplace

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I made a costly and embarrassing mistake at work that got me a lot of grief from the team that I work with. They claim that it is over, but I cannot stop berating myself, and I feel that they hold a grudge and have taken away some of my responsibility. I doubt everything I do and second-guess myself constantly because I am afraid of messing up again. I don't know how to clear my head. — Ugh, MD.

First, try "thought-stopping": Every time you feel thoughts of your mistake intruding, do something immediate and decisive to force yourself back onto a different mental path. Mantras, visualizations, deep breaths or even rubber band snaps against your wrist can help — you must condition yourself to quit ruminating on your goof-up. You can also symbolically destroy your regrets by writing them down and blackening them out, shredding them or burning them (I wouldn't do the latter in your office).

Then, move forward. Ask for autonomy on a new, smaller project that you know you can give your all on and nail from start to finish. Have a tete-a-tete with your supervisor, if need be. A final debriefing could bring the clarity you need to put this to rest.

Renovate Your Relationship
My husband and I purchased a house 22 months ago with the intention of moving in before our first child was born a month later. We still have not moved in. (We've been living in a one-bedroom unit — with two dogs and a baby.) My husband says he's renovating the place as quickly as possible, but can't give me a definite time frame. He doesn't acknowledge my feelings and gets angry that I'm not more "supportive" of him and his efforts. I feel like this is ruining our relationship. — Please Help!

Both of you seem to be feeling unacknowledged. As a first step, you might try to validate him. Admitting how difficult this must be for him will help him feel more open to understanding your point of view. You might also set some "house rules" — or "no-house" rules — times when talk of plumbing, grouting and spackling is prohibited. When things get really tense, you can write each other notes about how you're feeling, and then give yourselves some space to read them alone before you interact.
But you also need a more concrete plan, with clear weekly goals. Your resentment can't disappear without seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps expectations need to be lowered about what "move-in" condition looks like.

In the meantime, distract yourself with outdoor activities when the walls are closing in, and don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends to give you the chance to spend some time alone together, in peace, to try to reconnect without daily stressors.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express