Baggage Check: Facing a Frenemy

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I HAVE A FRIEND who's becoming a "frenemy." She's always been a bit competitive, sporting an "everything you can do I can do better" attitude. I used to have to deal with this only sporadically. But now she's transferred into my division at work and I have to deal with her bragging and trying to upstage me daily. I don't know whether she does this intentionally, but I really like this girl and I don't want to be in constant competition with her. How do I nip this in the bud before it ruins our friendship? — Very Annoyed, d.c,

Like when I'm trying to choose a new toothpaste, I'm confused. Your response to someone who's always trying to upstage you is to "really like" her?

It's time to reevaluate whether this is someone you actually need to be close with. What does she bring to your relationship? Are you doing it out of fear of not being on her good side? Is she really capable of giving you the support that friends are supposed to? Is she soon going to be one-upping your cube-decorating habits? Be honest with yourself, and let things cool off if she's not friendship material.

If you're convinced she is, then bring the issue to her attention, gently and privately. Say that you sometimes feel like she views things as a competition, and that makes you uncomfortable. You might choose one or two specific examples so that she can't say, "I don't know what you're talking about." Then give her a chance to tone it down.

Is there any reason someone would always go for younger guys? I'm not worried about the cougar thing, but I'm 29 and have never dated anybody my age or older. I didn't think of it as a problem until a string of failed relationships with irresponsible guys who can't commit. And yet I keep going back for more. I know women who date older men often have a daddy complex, but what does this make me? — Wondering What's Going On

Whoa, slow down with the generalizations! Yes, women who date older men sometimes have a daddy complex, but they also might have a salt-and-pepper complex, or a Steeley Dan complex or — this is the craziest possibility of all — they might just happen to be compatible with the individuals they're with, for the healthiest of reasons.

In fact, I think you'll be helped most by removing the age part of the equation altogether. No, I'm not channeling R. Kelly, but I'm saying you have a much bigger trend in your dating history to deal with — guys who are irresponsible or can't commit. Yup, that may be a bit more likely with guys who aren't yet old enough to get a break on car insurance, but it's by no means limited to them. Examine how you're meeting these guys, why you're attracted to them, and how and why they keep doing you wrong.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Classen III for Express