Baggage Check: What's a Shy Guy to Do?

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I AM A 20-YEAR-OLD MALE college student. I am so reserved when it comes to women. I can't approach them, can't say hi to them, and I even have trouble making them my friends. I have a lot of women in mind who I want to ask out, but I never have the guts to do so. I feel like a loser and a loner. — Solutions?

It sounds like you're caught in a cycle more vicious than a cruise ship stomach bug. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more anxious you'll feel, the more shy and reserved you'll be, and the fewer opportunities you'll have to show the real you and meet someone you're compatible with.

There are simple cognitive-behavioral techniques that can be found online to lessen your anxiety in the moment. But you could also benefit from counseling to deal with what sounds like a gaping hole in your self-esteem. Once you have just a few positive experiences, the confidence boost will open up a whole new world, allowing you to expand your dating possibilities and take the pressure off each interaction. This would lower your anxiety and start — forgive me — a vivacious cycle instead.

I am increasingly frustrated and angry with my wife and am pondering divorce. Counselors have told me to be forgiving and understanding of the "little lady." They pat me on the head and tell me to be a "good boy" and do the right thing. Yes, there are alternate therapies. But they cost money — and my wife has forced us into a financial hole from which it will be very hard to recover. I have encouraged her to see someone. But she always refuses to or is not honest as to what is really happening with herself. It's coming to a point that I feel that I am beginning to hate her. I stay for the sake of the kids' safety and religious reasons. But I dread coming home. Yes, she takes a psychotropic drug, but it doesn't seem to be helping. — Deeply Frustrated

I've said a lot of things in therapy — Kevin Bacon even came up once — but I've never uttered the phrase "little lady." So, first, I'd urge you to try additional, better therapy options. And I'm unclear as to the nature of your wife's exact issues, but they should be viewed as an illness that needs proper treatment; just as you wouldn't ignore a tumor, you shouldn't stand by while a mental health problem isn't being addressed satisfactorily. There are low-cost options for therapy and medication (check out your local community health center for referrals). Talk to whoever is prescribing her medication about additional treatments — she simply should not be on medication alone.

This isn't to say you have to stay in a loveless, destructive relationship. But for the sake of your family's health, you need to try to help her get stabilized before making any big changes. Most of all, you deserve better support for yourself.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express