Ad Nauseam: Questionable TV Commercials

| Print Post This | Like (3) | Comments (1)

AS IF THIS summer's actual programming wasn't objectionable enough, there has been a recent glut of crass and offensive television advertising as well. Below, we examine four of the worst offenders.

» PADMA LAKSHMI FOR HARDEE'S WESTERN BACON THICKBURGER

Using sexuality in advertising is certainly nothing new, but "Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi's new spot promoting Hardee's burger colossus verges on the pornographic. She spends most of the commercial licking sauce and meat juice off of her fingers, breaking only to clean errant barbecue sauce drippings from assorted body parts and turn the burger sideways so as to better "savor that sweet spicy sauce." This commercial may reinforce the idea of Lakshmi as a sensualist, but rhapsodizing in voice-over over the Thickburger will hardly cement her status as a discerning culinary critic, despite the implication of the ad's slogan, "More than just a piece of meat."

» QUIZNOS

Quiznos has long been known for its unsettling advertising campaigns, perhaps most notably the ones featuring singing, levitating rodents. The company has finally outdone itself with its latest ads, which feature a creepy talking oven. In the first spot, which now airs in a somewhat edited form, the oven says, "Scott, I want you to do something." Scott, a Quiznos employee, responds, "Not doing that again." He briefly glances at his crotch and continues, "I burned." As if that wasn't disturbing enough, the oven then opines, "We both enjoyed that." So sandwiches emerging from a large, sexually coercive toaster oven are supposed to be appetizing?

Quiznos at least acknowledges how unsettling the ad is with a subsequent spot in which another man confides in his therapist about the toaster, now voiced by a completely different person and acknowledged to be the product of psychotic hallucinations.

» HARDEE'S BISCUIT HOLES

Hardee's campaign for their newest product is based around two simple premises. First, many phrases used to describe small round objects sound as though they could be euphemisms for testicles. This is demonstrated in a series of ads in which unwitting passersby are offered samples of the sugary dough balls and solicited to come up with a name for the product. Their inspired ideas include "Frosty Nuts," "Happy Holes," "Mouthful of Balls" and, just in case you were missing the implication, "Bisticles."

Second, any compound word ending in "hole" evokes a term for jerk which has recently been eclipsed in popularity by the equally delicious-sounding "douchebag." Another ad portrays people comparing traditional doughnut holes ("A holes," in Hardee's unfailingly subtle terms) with the new Hardee's offering (the really-not-much-better -if-you-think-about-it "B holes"). Supposed hilarity ensues, as samplers offer up incisive commentary like, "A holes taste funny."

While the young male audience Hardee's is presumably targeting with these ads does tend to embrace vulgar humor, it's unclear whether their amusement will result in a desire to eat biscuit holes. It's fine to laugh at words like "Bisticles and "B Holes," but that doesn't mean consumers will want to put them in their mouths.

» LIME-A-WAY

What's even more uproarious than scatological humor? The advertisers who created the new Lime-A-Way campaign believe the answer is domestic violence. The spot shows a young mom shopping at the supermarket, explaining away her arm injury with various excuses involving extreme sports. Ultimately she has a cart collision with another sling-wearing woman, who immediately guesses the truth behind her injury. "Hard water stains, huh?" The pair laughs in mutual understanding and embarrassment, before a voice over explains that Lime-A-Way makes hard water stain removal easy, without requiring crippling scrubbing.

The most unsettling part of this ad is that the woman's young daughter is shopping with her, and watches her offer different excuses for the injury to each person who inquires. Is she that ashamed about using an inferior bathroom cleaner? Lime-A-Way would apparently have us believe that she ought to be.

Written by Express contributor Meg Zamula