Hail to the Chef: Deconstruction Sights

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Express' Karmah Elmusa breaks down the chefs' broken down dishes.

ON THIS week's "Top Chef: Las Vegas," the challenges were indeed challenging for many of our overly confident cheftestants. Cool cucumbers like Jennifer and D.C. Mike were shaking in their boots, while bottom feeders like Ron and Laurine looked downright lost. Top that off with a magical duo of guests and the return of big old meanie Toby Young, and you've got one delicious hour of television. Read on for a detailed deconstruction of the episode.

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE
In a kind gesture to departed chef Mattin, the chefs all don his signature red neck scarves before heading off to their quickfire challenge. According to D.C. Mike, "Everybody loves Mattin." (Really? I don't). No matter — it's a nice show of solidarity. Upon arrival at the Top Chef Kitchen, the remaining 11 chefs are greeted by Padma and guest-judge Michelle Bernstein, a Miami-based chef and opinionated critic. Padma explains that for this challenge, the chefs will be creating a duo of dishes representing the angels and demons that conflict in their lives as chefs (for example: health food vs. butter-based goodness).

After an hour, Michelle tastes the chefs dishes (Jennifer, Eli and Ashley all do scallops) and she announces her least favorites. Ash, who attempted to do a duo of custards, has trouble with the sweet half of his dish and only presents an aspargus custard. Which apparently isn't very good — sorry, brother: one crappy custard ain't gonna cut it. Michelle is not a fan of Bryan's duo of desserts — a blinding white lychee and coconut creation paired with a dark chocolate mousse. It looks pretty cool, so something must have been off in his flavors. Finally, she pretty much hates Laurine's chicken consomme paired with a chicken saltimbocca. This puts the unpleasant scowl on Laurine's face that she can't seem to wipe off for the rest of the episode.

Michelle loves Michael V's duo of smoked salmon dishes — one modern, one traditional. Eli's barley risotto with brown butter-reduced cream wins her heart immediately — no mention of the scallops that top it. And finally, Michelle is so smitten with Robin's dish — an apple ginger crisp and an arugula salad — that she gives her the win and immunity. The contrast, Robin explains, represents the battle with healthy eating she faced when she was diagnosed with lymphoma two years ago. As she talks about her struggle, there is a palpable lack of sympathy in the room; in fact, the other chefs seems to be seething with resentment at her playing the cancer card.

But none of them would ever admit their annoyance, right? Wrong. Both Eli and Laurine suggest Robin's win is cancer-related. Eli comes out with a direct: "That's a pretty good way to win a quickfire — just tell people you have cancer." Whether Robin was right or wrong to mention her illness is not my place to judge, but keep it classy, chefs — don't cry because you lost, just cook to win.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
After the quickfire, Padma brings in two special guests — Vegas favorites and myth debunkers Penn and Teller. The quirky pair performs a magic trick for the chefs and then breaks it down for them, step by step. In a fairly cerebral move by the producers, what Penn and Teller are trying to demonstrate is deconstruction, the centerpiece of this week's elimination challenge. By drawing knives, the chefs will be assigned a classic dishes they have to deconstruct and present to Michelle Bernstein, Penn and Teller, Padma, Tom and ... dun dun dun ... Toby Young. Ashley dubs him "the meanest man in food criticism," and she's spot on. Sorry to see you back, old chap.

Here's a break down of the dishes each chefs is assigned and how they, er, break them down:

» Michael V.: Caesar salad.
» Deconstructed Version: Fresh-baked brioche (crouton), an emulsion of egg yolks (dressing) that pops onto the lettuce (lettuce), topped with parmesan jelly.

» D.C. Mike: Eggs florentine.
» Deconstructed Version: Kale and egg emulsion.

» Bryan.: Reuben sandwich.
» Deconstructed Version: Tuna cured pastrami style, served with warm mayonnaise.

» Jennifer: Meat lasagna.
» Deconstructed Version: Flat iron steak covered in homemade pasta and browned pecorino cheese, over marinara sauce.

» Robin.: Clam chowder.
» Deconstructed Version: A fennel flan served with potato-crusted clams.

» Ashley: Pot roast.
» Deconstructed Version: Seared strip loin, potato puree, crispy shallots and a carrot foam.

» Laurine.: Fish n' chips.
» Deconstructed Version: Fish, two potato chips, fresh salsa instead of tartar sauce.

» Ash: Shepard's pie.
» Deconstructed Version: Lamb with a stuffed tomato and a pea puree. (The potato and parsnip puree was too "gummy" to serve.)

» Eli: Sweet and sour pork.
» Deconstructed Version: Two ball-shaped pork rillettes.

» Kevin: Chicken mole negro.
» Deconstructed Version: Broken down mole sauce (starring unsweetened crushed cocoa beans) and a croquetta of chicken thigh meat.

» Ron.: Paella.
» Deconstructed Version: Regular paella.

Needless to say, some chefs aren't entirely comfortable with this challenge. Jennifer, Ron and Laurine "don't do deconstruction," (and Ron turns out a dish that's not deconstructed at all. In any way.) D.C. Mike doesn't know what eggs florentine is, and Ash is pretty far off with his idea of Shepard's pie. Eli's pressure cooker explodes — it's a piece of junk, because he brought it from home. Toothbrush? Check. Undies? Check. Pressure Cooker? Check.

Meanwhile, the Volataggio brothers are deconstructing up a storm — something in their blood makes them pros at this. Kevin also seems to doing fine ... and Robin ... well, who cares about Robin. She has immunity.

Toby Young eats every dish with that signature sneer on his face, doles out a few merciless insults and then pronounces paella "pie-ella." At one point, Bravo asks its viewers to vote on the following question: Is Toby really as mean as he seems? A. He's a bloody cad. B. He's an English gent. The results come back with a mere 65% for A. Who are these people that consider Mr. Young a "gent"? Thank goodness for Penn and Teller — they prevent him from ruining the meal completely.

JUDGES' TABLE
The judges' favorites this week are Michael V. and his deconstructed caesar masterpiece, Jennifer (much to her surprise) and her meat lasagna, Kevin and his chicken mole negro and Ashley and her pot roast. Kevin's dish was the clear favorite, and he wins a nice set of non-stick pans from Michelle Bernstein.

The bottom three are Ron, Ash and Laurine. Ron not only didn't deconstruct his paella ... he made an overcooked normal paella. Whoops. Laurine and Ash both have British pub classics, fish 'n' chips and shepard's pie, respectively, which is a sad fate when serving to Toby Young. He's British and he's harsh — they're both given a tongue lashing. But in the end, it's poor Ron that goes home. He had some trouble with conceptual challenges like this one, but nonetheless, he was a joy to watch. Also, he exits with a speech about how lucky he is to be alive and how glad he was to have this opportunity and how wonderful everything is. Hey Eli, D.C. Mike ... put that in your ego-pipes and smoke it.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK
» Ash (on Eli's pressure cooker): "The Top Chef Kitchen is packed with pressure cookers, but he's got his own magical one."
» Laurine: "F-bomb, f-bomb, f-bomb, f-bomb. Wah wah wah wah." (I'm paraphrasing)
» Ron (upon pulling his knife): "PAELLLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
» Tom (on Ron's dish): "Now that's just a sad bowl of food."