Baggage Check: Say Hello to Personal Anger Management

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WHAT WOULD YOU SAY to someone who just feels so angry all the time? I am so irritable and I snap at everyone. I start the day with the greatest of intentions. But soon into the day I just feel so frustrated. It's people on the Metro, my boss, the people I live with. I just feel like giving a middle finger to everybody. And, of course, they respond in kind. I know this sounds pathetic. I really do want to be better but don't know where to start.
— Really Want to be Better

It doesn't sound pathetic. Pathetic would be delivering this note to me via a punch in the face.

It's great that you're motivated to get better. But it's difficult for me to tell how deep-seated this issue is. Sometimes, irritability can just mean that you're going through a temporarily stressful time. But often, it can be connected to underlying anxiety or even depression, and the fact that your anger seems so pervasive makes me think that it's time you let a good therapist help you get to the bottom of it. There are lots of behavioral techniques that you can use yourself to help take the edge off, including trying to be vigilant about your sleeping, eating and drinking habits; journaling; meditation; relaxation exercises; listening to music; working out and learning deep breathing. But for a more permanent fix, you'll want to eradicate the root of the soreness, rather than just soothing it.

Last year, I met this guy, and on and off we have been involved. We have always been on the up-and-up with each other — or so I thought. Lately, I am getting the feeling that he is seeing someone else and that he is not being honest with me about it. I do not care whether he is seeing someone else, but I do need for him to be honest with me if we are going to go further. But I do not want to confront him, because I do not want him to think that I am asking for a commitment. — Frustrated, D.C.

So, you want to get him to be open with you without having to be totally open with him. Niiiice!

I can understand that you don't want him thinking that you're eyeing diamond solitaires. But the reality is that you hope to "go further." In most people's estimations, that means eventually getting more emotionally intimate, which is pretty difficult to do unilaterally.

Bring it up at a relaxed, pleasant time. Say that you like that you've always felt you both could be open about who you were dating, and you hope that hasn't changed. If that doesn't get him to open up, state that your status hasn't changed since you've last checked in, and ask him if his has. If he's still clamming up, then go for it: If it's honesty you want, then it's honesty you should give — by laying your concerns on the line.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express