Baggage Check: Out-of-Control In-Laws Require Hubby Action

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I AM SO FED UP with my in-laws. I have been married for eight years that have been good overall. But I don't know whether I can take his parents anymore. His father has never accepted me. His mother has always seemed to like his previous girlfriend better, and disagrees with child-rearing and other lifestyle decisions I make. Our finances, house and especially my job are constantly criticized. My husband is sympathetic with me but doesn't really do anything. They are getting older, and I am picturing taking care of them and I just don't see it happening. I don't want this to break up our marriage, but I feel my connection to my husband weakening. — Miserable, NW

I could say that this is between you and your in-laws, but it's not. It's about the person who's between you and your in-laws, and that is your husband.

Their effect on you should be able to be moderated by him, plain and simple. That means he should step in when they are belittling you, be your sounding board when you are frustrated, talk to them independently to let them know what is acceptable, and even limit your contact with them if it comes to that. No, he shouldn't have to divorce his family to be married to you, but by choosing you as his spouse, he vowed to do his best not to sit by while you're being made miserable. Talk to him. Let him know how bad this is getting, and how you're having trouble dealing. The fraying of the bond between you might best be served by counseling, but even short of that, he needs to be willing to be on your side to solve this together — and you need to see that he cares. In the meantime, when they start in with the attacks, feel free to change the subject or even quietly leave the room if things get disrespectful.

My girlfriend is nowhere nearly as active as I am. I do love her, and I am attracted to her most of the time. But I often have thoughts about how she needs to do more and go to the gym. She is not that overweight — maybe a couple of pounds. But it is more her attitude that gets to me. — So, Am I Superficial?

You don't say enough about what it is about her attitude that gets to you. Is she condescending or dismissive toward your exercise, making you feel criticized? Or is it that the sight of her on the couch, eating Flamin' Hot Funyuns, doesn't exactly do it for you when you're riding high after that 5K?

If it's simply that you need more overlap in your activities, that's a challenge that can be bridged by finding some fitness pursuits to enjoy together (maybe dancing, yoga or hiking). But it's a symptom of larger incompatibility if you can't find common ground or you find your attraction to her waning, or if the essence of how you view her is wrapped up in this discrepancy between your lifestyles.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express