Baggage Check: You Don't Need To Take This Lying Down

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SHOULD YOU CHALLENGE a pathological liar? There is a girl at my office who I know is full of it. But people listen to her and take her seriously all the time. I know she makes up stuff. I do not deal with her a lot at work, but I have to deal with her at social events, and I'm so tired of it. I want to totally call her out on it but do not know how she'd react.
— Annoyed at Her

That depends. How much do you value your job? And your limbs?

It's best not to stage some big crusade in which it seems like you've been collecting evidence and waiting to ambush her. But when you do hear her saying something that doesn't make sense, you don't have to take it lying down. Challenge it gently and persistently through a few of her fumbling rebuttals, and then let it drop. Your point will be made without your coming across as a bully.

This is a battle best won by subtle diplomacy. So, don't get grandiose or even think about using the word "liar," and most certainly not "pathological." If her dishonesty is as egregious as you think it is, then I wouldn't be surprised if other people are onto her.

My sister has had three children by two guys with whom she is no longer involved. The last couple times we hung out, I saw some things with her mothering that I do not agree with. She is losing the control and respect of her kids. But every time I start to say something, she is very harsh and disrespectful to me. She says I need to mind my own business because I don't have kids. It's true that I do not have kids, but that is also because I did not get pregnant by two loser guys. I am worried for her and these kids (the oldest is only 6), but she will not listen to me.
— GRRR!

Have you tried actually shouting at her?

Your concern is understandable, and your sister's children are lucky to have an aunt who cares about their well-being. But it's clear that the approach that you are taking is not getting through to your sister, and I'm guessing it's because you're putting her on the defensive. Might she be picking up on your condescending tone?

Berating the children's fathers (even if just in your head) does no one any good. Your stance should be one of support rather than conflict. Try spending time with her without comment for a while. Continuing to develop a relationship with her children will be invaluable to all of you and can allow you to try to make up for what they might be lacking. You can also model what you consider proper behavior. If you see abuse, of course, intervene. But beyond that, please try as hard as you can to quiet your judgment. You'll do the most good by lovingly helping her pick herself up, not by insulting her when she's down.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express