Lick It Up: Kiss' Top Six Double-Entendre Songs

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» RELATED: "A Shoot and a Work: Kiss, Live at Verizon Center" concert review [Express, Oct. 2009]

THE GREATEST SUCCESS in the storied career of Kiss is not the many hit albums, monstrous tours, or the smooth introduction of a branded "Kasket" to the merch table.

It's the way cartoon men Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Ace Frehley and Peter Criss wrote double-entendre-filled glam-rock-pop songs that enticed innocent 1970s elementary-school children to walk around singing lyrics such as "Put your hand in my pocket / Grab onto my rocket."

Quelle horror! Quelle jams!

In honor of Kiss hitting the Verizon Center tonight for its "Alive 35" tour, which supports the band's latest return-to-makeup CD, "Sonic Boom," I've compiled the top six lewd tunes that I remember crooning loudly as a pre-teen — all while having no idea what I was singing about. I'm just glad I never received detention for my singing — let alone for the lyrics I was yodeling.

"Calling Dr. Love" from "Rock and Roll Over" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "So, baby please, get on your knees / There are no bills, there are no fees."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Universal healthcare?

"Take Me" from "Rock and Roll Over" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "Put your hand in my pocket / Grab onto my rocket."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Interplanetary space travel.

"Rocket Ride" from "Alive II" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "Baby's on her knees, baby wants to please / She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Even more interplanetary space travel.

"Love Gun" from "Love Gun" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "You pull the trigger of my love gun."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Cupid upgraded to a Glock?

"Plaster Caster" from "Love Gun" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "The plaster's getting harder and my love is perfection / A token of my love for her collection."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Gene Simmons appreciated good art and his preferred medium of expression was plaster of Paris.

"Christine Sixteen" from "Love Gun" (1977)
» Key Lyric: "I don't usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you coming out of the school that day, that day I knew, I knew, I've got to have you."
» What I Thought It Meant in 1977: Even then I knew this one was strictly for the pedophiles.

There are so many more sexy songs that could have been included from throughout Kiss' literary career, from 1977's "Larger Than Life" ("You can't believe your eyes, what you heard weren't lies / My love is too much to hold, too much to hold") to 1983's "Lick It Up" ("Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it / There ain't a reason on earth to waste it / It ain't a crime to be good to yourself").

Please let me know in the comments what inappropriate Kiss jams you've sung in front of a room of horrified parents.

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