Runway Jury: You Stole Judy Jetson's Idea

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THAT'S ONE "PROJECT RUNWAY" mystery solved: how Althea gets her hair like that. She puts it in a bazillion fat curlers at night and most likely sleeps upright like Betty Draper. Totally worth it, too.

So, morning among the dwindling scissor monkeys. There are two boys left, Chris and Logan, and four girls. Carol Hannah vows to not make another dress. Mark that; it will come into play later.

At Heidi's summons (how come no one squeals, "Heidimail!"?), they are lured to the sad, empty runway set and seated facing away from the runway. No, no one is about to be bashed over the head with a portable Singer by a vengeful Michael Kors. They turn around to see their winning looks standing in silent, unpopulated judgment. El, Logan doesn't have a winning look, but he does have tight silver jeans.

Carol Hannah fears they'll have to cut up their designs to make new ones, which I think would be awesome. Hey, producers — tap CH for challenge ideas next season. She's not as dumb as she looks. Oh, wait ... Just do the opposite of what she wants..

YOUR SLIP IS SHOWING
The challenge is to create a companion piece to compliment their so-called best looks. Since I have been in vast disagreement with the judges (producers) as to the best and worst looks this season, this is gonna be a weird one. "Hey, Christopher. Remember that tacky dress that made your model look like two feathered bowling stacked one on top of another? Do that again."

So we get to know our little darlings better in this episode, and girls, it is not pretty. The tightness of the final six sends them into competition mode and they start talking smack about one another.

Logan passive-aggressives to Althea that she's making "Malvin pants," and when she understandably whines about his efforts to undermine her confidence, he pulls one of those, "Wha? That's not anything bad." Boy has some serious bowlegs. Just saying. I think he's cute, so I'm looking for a reason to reject him, and I'm going with his serious bowlegs. And he's a jerk. There; I feel better.

We get some Gordana back story about growing up a Bosnian Serb with farmer parents. Wow, that's almost sad, drab and old, that story. Wonder if we'll hear the words sad, drab or old later?

Carol Hannah's back story involves the fact that her body is slammin' from every angle and she second-guesses herself constantly. ("You figured it out yet?" Logan asks with deceptive mildness. Not that I want Kenley "Cat-Flinger" Collins back on my TV, but she would claw his engine-tinkering-with, silver-pants-wearing eyes out. And I would laugh and laugh.)

THE TIM THROUGH
Tim helps Carol Hannah understand the possibilities of her fabric; he's talked her out of doing pants, so she can justify making another dress and is vastly relieved. But Tim actually gives her a suggestion and then generously says, "You just had a major breakthrough with this." Here are the answers to the quiz. Oh! You passed. You really know your stuff.

He hates Christopher's appliques and Mother of the Bride look. It's a decent idea, but the contrast between the mountain of white fabric flowing out from under the black is too stark, and the proportions are crazy-making, and he keeps doing the same silhouette.

Althea is doing pants, and Logan wasn't too far off about the Malvin thing. The word "diaper" comes up again — can't wait to read Tim's blog after this is over. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

TG approaches Logan with "I'm excited already." Oh, girl, do not lay it all out there. A guy wants a little mystery. Try playing hard-to-get.

Logan is using 10,000 zippers for some reason. This does not bode well. Althea notes that his collar-of-many-zippers is a rip of her Christina Aguilera collar. Tim loves it, because he wants to bone Logan.

THE PLASTICS
Tim sneers at Gordana's unfinished edges while Althea and Irina literally eat snacks and laugh. They mock Logan for ripping off Althea, if he even did.. I mean, there are a limited number of ideas out there.

Then Irina is a huge bitch about Christopher's dress. It's not so much the line, "Why is one dress throwing up another?," but her "I am sooo cute" laugh afterward. What a pretty girl. It would be a shame is something happened to that face. Like Kenley throwing a wet cat at it.

Althea is tacky enough to gossip to her model about Logan's Big Steal. Even the model is uncomfortable with the lack of professional boundaries, but they can't stop themselves. Everyone is tired and cranky and frayed-nerved and no one is talking about the "amazing journey" they're on anymore.

Christopher interviews, "I've been battered by the judges ... but I keep making it through to the next round. I deserve to be here." That last sentence is code for "I have videos of Satan handing Heidi skulls full of virgins' blood in order to preserve her youth. Hello, YouTube?"

The Althea/Irina Mean Girls alliance fractures when brittle, proprietary Althea's huff over Logan "stealing" her zipper-collar gives way to uppity, entitled Irina's total ownership of the slouchy sweater, an idea she actually invented and Althea ripped off. It's true. I hope she can dig out the patent on that shape before the end of the episode and expose Althea as the trademark-infringing sneak she is. Slouchy sweaters — who would have thought of it?!

JUST START THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY
The judges are Nick Verreos — aw, I love Unka Nick, but he's such a suck-up; he won't say anything useful. Marie Claire's own wayward girl Nina Garcia is back, sans Kors, and for some reason Kerry Washington, face of L'Oreal and actress and not notable for fashion in any way, has also taken a seat.

Carol Hannah can keep making dresses, if that means I can buy them. She's done a black dress with pockets. That was smart; chicks dig pockets. The fabric is sheer black with a full skirt and it's banded in a matte opaque black at the bodice and waist. Very cute.

Althea has her stolen slouchy sweater with huge kimono sleeves, teeny white T-shirt with no bra, as usual, and tremendously unappealing black jodhpurs. Ladies: no matter the size of your boobage, you are going to need a bra. Go buy bras. Then wear them.

Logan whipped up one hot tranny mess with his 40-pound zipper collar, scuba-diving bodice and squarish cocktail skirt. He looks really cute and greasy-haired watching his design slog by, I must say.

You'll be surprised to hear that Irina really loves the slouchy sweater collar that she ripped off herself. The sweater is dark buff with extravagant faux-fur cuffs, over a lace-covered brown mini dress with beautiful brocade. It does relate to the Aspen look she is pairing it with.

Gordana's Eastern European roots are showing with her weirdly proportioned long gray jacket over a short skirt. She is in huge trouble.

Christopher's does a redo of his short dress and it looks like a cheap flamenco costume made without any imagination or potential for wearability. He keeps calling those tacky plastic flowers "petals," but they look like a thousand black Party City leis for a Goth tiki party.

JUDGMENT DAY
There is no top or bottom this week. The judges get right to it.

Nick is very dubious about Christopher's look. Nina calls it carnival float, but it's more like one of the Barbie cakes where you stick the top of the doll in a big cakey bombe.

They like Irina's Aspen companion, but Nina finds the tight brocade dress cheap-looking; that's because it's way too tight. It looked like a sausage casing in the model fitting.

Poor Gordana; Heidi hates her. She calls the look old and drab and sad. Which it may be, but that's really what she thinks of Gordana. Strong words coming from someone in a Dress for Success '80s blazer and Grandma's blouse. Nina is at least specific — it's dated in the darts and length and collar.

They like the Carol Hannah's take on the Xtina dress because of the silhouette and the model's movie-star styling. I think our own Professor Whitfield can take this whole thing.

Logan tries on Pink at the VMAs to convince the judges of his outfit's worth, but Nina has no time for his silver tongue or his silver jeans. She calls it a student project. Nick calls it "Judy Jetson." True, but also not a value judgment.

Heidi wants Althea's whole outfit and loves the hideous, unflattering pants. (Translation: "You, Althea, remind me of me five years, um, from now, whereas Gordana represents everything I fear about my future.") Kerry loves the sweater. Since it's Mean Girl week, Heidi asks who had the first idea of the big slouchy sweater. Althea claims it was in her original design, and mediator Nick tries to calm Irina when she slides in bitchily.

WORDS WITH SHIFTING VALUES
» Futuristic. Sometimes good; sometimes bad.
» Eighties. See above.
» Point of view. "You have a distinct style"; "you're a hack."
» Take a risk. "Fabulous and fashion forward"; "the ugliest heap of entrails I've ever seen on the runway."

Althea wins, so suck it, Irina. And Christopher is in. WHAT? Is he covered in some kind of Edward Cullen Sparkle Magic that I can't see on the TV? This is an outrage. Continuing Fair-Play Thursday, Heidi tears Gordana to pieces to shield her great regret that the other judges talked her out of aufing the poor girl. She will have to let her rage simmer for another week.

Logan is finally out. Turns out your fine ass won't save you every time.

» Next week: The judges are off their meds and eviscerating our five remaining scissor monkeys. Who's the next to go? Probable winners? Leave your comments below.