Hail to the Chef: In Food and War

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Express' Karmah Elmusa breaks down the biggest battle of the "Top Chef" season.

THIS WEEK'S "Top Chef" delivered the season's most highly-anticipated challenge: Restaurant Wars! There's nothing like a bunch of nervous, arrogant chefs opening an eatery in three hours to perfume the air with anxious excitement. Then, throw in one of the coolest quickfires in "Top Chef" history and a kindly, sweet facade from Toby Young and you've got yourself a quality episode

QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE
After lamenting the loss of Ash and complaining (out of his earshot) about Michael V., the chefs head to the kitchen, where they are greeted by sustainable seafood guru Rick Moonen (owner of rm Seafood) and sultry stares guru Padma Lakshmi.

Thankfully, there is no egregious product placement this time around (never forget the Alexia crunchy snacks tragedy of Oct. 14). Instead, the producers pleasantly surprise us with an interesting, difficult and totally intriguing challenge: The Tag Team Quickfire.

After drawing knives, Jennifer and Michael V. are deemed team captains and the group splits in two. The Blue Team consists of Jennifer, Kevin, Laurine and D.C. Mike. The Red Team is Michael and Bryan Voltaggio, Eli and Robin. Each team has to create one comprehensive dish, with each team member cooking for 10 minutes. The twist: The chefs must remain blindfolded until it is their turn to cook, and those who cook before them can't give them any direction at all. They have to guess, based on what ingredients and tools they see, what direction the dish is supposed to go in.

This leads to some really interesting decisions and allows us to get a real feel for how the chefs work. They see a saucepan of olive oil, they know something is supposed to poach. They see various ingredients, incongruous to the untrained eye, and can tell how their fellow chefs were planning to marry them. Even more interesting is when they deviate from the original plan: Kevin, for example, sees the olive oil intended for poaching the black cod and decides butter roasting it would be better instead.

Apparently, he was right — the Blue Team's sablefish (black cod) with pan-seared mushrooms, a ginger shitake broth and a radish salad takes the win. Team Red's pan-roasted New York strip with whipped miso, avocado puree and pickled veggies was impressive as well. But think about it, chefs — Rick Moonen is a seafood guy. Feed him seafood.

Padma then informs the teams that these are their Restaurant Wars teams, and that the Blue Team has a weighty decision to make: They can either split $10,000 for winning the quickfire, or they can each win $10,000 if they win the elimination challenge. In the spirit of gambling, they decide to let it ride, baby! Let the games begin in earnest.

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE

This season's Restaurant Wars takes place in Moonen's restaurant, located in Vegas' swanky Mandalay Bay. The teams do the usual mad dash to Whole Foods (they have to make three courses, two dishes per course) and Restaurant Depot, but (sadly) are told they aren't responsible for the decor this year. What a shame — the usual vases full of sparkly feather dusters and other tacky Pier 1 tchotchkes add so much character. No matter — the chefs still give us enough drama to make it interesting.

Team Blue names their restaurant The Mission. As in, we're on a mission to feed you, I guess. Their menu is:

» First Course: Asparagus and a six-minute egg. Arctic char tartare. (Both prepared by D.C. Mike).
» Second Course: Alaskan halibut with mussels and clams and a saffron aioli in a consomme. Seared trout with a brown butter emulsion served with hazelnut and braised endives. (Both prepared by Jennifer).
» Third Course: Pork three ways: A chop, belly and sausage served with red eye gravy and grits mousseline. Lamb with carrot jam and a green bean salad with an herb dressing. (Both prepared by Kevin, although the lamb is technically Laurine's dish. She's front of the house.)

Team Red's name is far worse. Revolt (the E is backwards, so clever). It stands for Robin, Eli and the Voltaggio brothers. Fine, but it sounds like revolting, which Padma notes immediately.

» First Course: Pressed chicken and calamari "pasta" served with tomato confit and fennel salad. Smoked arctic char with horseradish sour cream and a crispy potato. (Chicken prepared by Michael V., arctic char prepared by Eli, who is front of the house).
» Second Course: Duo of beef: Braised short rib sauce matignon and a prime New York strip. Cod with parsley sauce served with a billi-bi croquette and zucchini tenderloin. (Beef prepared by Bryan. Cod prepared by Michael V.)
» Third Course: Pear pithivier with vanilla ice cream and elderflower syrup. Chocolate ganache with spearmint ice cream and chocolate caramel sauce. (Pithivier prepared by Robin. Ganache prepared by Bryan).

The highlight of the cooking is certainly the brawl between Robin and Michael V. It involves F bombs and Michael V. yelling "relax, relax, RELAX" at Robin over and over again.

Ohhhh, Michael. Don't tell an angry woman to relax!

It's a deliciously messy tussle. But in spite of this, Team Blue/Revolt manages to put our a pretty spectacular looking meal. Eli kills the front of the house, buttering up guests and judges alike. And every time Tom eats something, he looks perfectly tickled. Can Team Red/The Mission compete?

Um, no. Not even a little bit. They're behind, turning out mediocre food, and Laurine looks practically ill as she tries to navigate through hungry, antsy diners. Padma is doing her best to act annoyed: Asking for salt, demanding explanations of the food — we all know it's not looking good. Toby is sort of nice about the whole thing — noting that Jennifer is a good cook, and he expected more from her. I said sort of nice.

JUDGES' TABLE
This one's a no-brainer — Team Blue wins by a landslide. Tom calls it the best meal he's had in six seasons of Restaurant Wars. Michael V. wins for his awesome chicken and awesome cod, and gets the $10,000 Team Red let ride after the quickfire. Ouch.

Team Red knows how badly it's gone — mission not accomplished (sorry, I had to).

D.C. Mike's food wasn't bad, so he's safe. Jennifer is practically in tears the whole time, as is Kevin. Laurine looks placid and relaxed, because she knows as well as everyone else does that there's no way they're going to send Jennifer or Kevin home before her. Her fate is sealed. And when Padma tells Laurine to pack it in, she doesn't even look that upset. In fact, Laurine bows out with the statement: "I've learned a lot about myself here. And I think I don't want to be in competition with anyone ever again."

QUOTES OF THE WEEK
» Eli: Robin is somewhere East of Mars in terms of the kind of food we do.
» Jennifer: I called my cod trout on national television. Awesome.
» Michael V.: In the end, I'm just a nice guy. I think I have the biggest heart here.

» Tom: Your butter sauce was broken.
» Jennifer: I'm feeling pretty broken right now.