We Are Ashamed: 15 Diversions You Helped Flourish in the 2000s

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FEW ESCAPED THE 2000S with a clear cultural conscience. Here are 15 questionable diversions that you helped to flourish. Please take a moment for silent reflection.

1) Sex Tapes: The growing ubiquity of online video meant we saw a lot more of such celebrities as Paris Hilton, Colin Farrell and even Dustin Diamond (aka Screech).

2) iPods: Thanks, Apple, for turning every subway car into an army of drones with white earbuds blasting music that everyone too poor/cheap to buy an iPod has to listen to.

3) Multiple Births: TV shows featuring large quantities of small children proved that people will be happy watching kids eat and sleep if a whole bunch of them do it at the same time.

4) Meltdowns: If you didn't score a DUI or host a public head-shaving, then you at least had to offer paparazzi a few choice shots of you slumped unconscious over your steering wheel.

5) CGI: The rise of computer-generated imagery meant actors had to learn to emote at tennis balls in front of green-screens while wearing silly body suits. They better enjoy it while they can, because James Cameron is sure to make humanity obsolete by 2020.

6) The Sub-lebrity
Many factors played into the ability of middling fameseekers (there's a less-nice term, but this is a family newspaper) such as Paris Hilton, Richard Heene (aka Balloon Boy's dad), Levi Johnston and others to suck up our valuable time and attention. The Internet, reality TV and a surfeit of tabloids (OK! and Life & Style joined People, US and Star in the 2000s) are all to blame. And so, of course, are you.

7) Zombies: Mobs of flesh-eating monsters plowed into theaters and classic books ("Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"), feeding middle-American fears of pestilence and immigration. Because what are zombies other than border-crossers into one's body?

8) Michael Jackson: That creepy "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary. His sensational child molestation trial. His even more sensational death. We watched as M.J. morphed from an internationally acclaimed talent into a tragic oddity.

9) Reality TV: From "American Idol" to "Britain's Got Talent" to "Dancing With the Stars," '90s-style reality TV melded with an old-fashioned talent show ethos to create a platform to launch talents as varied as Kelly Clarkson, Susan Boyle, David Archuleta and Chris Daughtry — and even relaunch folks like Paula Abdul and Tom DeLay.

10) Hot Vampires: Apparently you have to be gorgeous and independently wealthy to join the legions of the undead. Where's the smoldering love story starring an overweight, diabetic, indigent vampire recently laid off from his auto industry job and living in his parent's spare bedroom with four kids and his human wife?

11) Baby Bumps: All those stars of the 1990s decided give birth, preferably to twins. Tabloids were soon obsessing about the state of every uterus, from Jennifer Aniston's so-far barren one to Angelina Jolie's more prolific model.

12) Bromance: Director Judd Apatow ushered in an era of man-dates and cozy, non-homoerotic friendships with "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and its spawn.

13) Social Networking: The emergence of Twitter, Facebook, Flickr and YouTube suddenly gave ordinary people a multitude of ways to convey utterly useless information.

14) The Gratuitous Release of Indie Films: The children of 1999's "The Blair Witch Project" flourished as studios indiscriminately fought over every new Sundance release. Was your movie financed with a credit card and a few crumpled, sweaty dollar bills? All the better.

15) Viral Videos: Right after YouTube came YouTube sensations. If you're persistent and annoying enough, you can be one too!

Written by Express' Greg Barber and Holly J. Morris
Photos by Getty Images