Baggage Check: What to Be When You Grow Up a Bit More

| Print Post This | Like (0) | Comments (0)

I'M 33 AND STILL don't know what to be when I grow up! I know this is no economy to be searching for a new job in, but I think I want a pretty big change, and I'm tired of liking my job only for a payday. Several people have told me that I should see a career counselor, but I don't know what they could do to help me. If I don't know what I want to do, how could they? — Stuck in DC

Career counselors don't use crystal balls — it's not like they'll tell you what you want for lunch. But they can piece together your skills, education, experience and personality to suggest some professional avenues that you might not have thought of. And a good career counselor has familiarity with many fields and the paths that lead into them, so they can give you that kind of guidance as well.

Contrary to the pressures that a lot of us place on ourselves, it's not at all uncommon — or a bad thing — to still be charting your professional path in your 30s. And you're right to acknowledge that when job satisfaction comes mainly from putting food on the table (though necessary and nothing to take for granted!), it's not exactly the stuff of emotional transcendence. So try to live frugally and sock away some savings that can give you leeway later on for exploration or extra training.

It might feel like you're stuck, but 30 years from now, when you look back on the eve of retirement, you'll get a chuckle at how many horizons you had ahead of you.

She Says 'Sorry,' Or You Say 'Bye'
This friend of mine acts like she's beneath an apology. Over the past few years, she's said a number of things to upset me. But when I confront her on it, her response is to get angry, huffy and defensive, as if I'm the one who did something wrong! I find this surprising, since this is someone who prides herself on being "the sweetest person in the world" (her words) and makes a point of living a moral life. If that's the case, why can't she just say "I'm sorry?" — Confused

I must throw a question back at you. Why are you still continuing to put up with this "friend"? I don't even hear mention of any particularly redeeming qualities that can at least attempt to offset her rude and offensive ones. I know you'd like an analysis of her behavior, and even better, a possible way to make her change. But — and this might be the least scientific thing I've ever said in this space, besides the times I cite David Hasselhoff — there is just no shortage of jerks in this world. There are no doubt many cognitive and emotional underpinnings of why she is the way she is, but without her on my couch, I have far too many guesses to fit in this space. The important thing for you is that you don't become her doormat.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Ben Claassen III for Express