No Friends: 'Love Happens' & Jennifer Aniston's Worst Rachel Repeats

| Print Post This | Like (0) | Comments (6)

ONCE UPON A time, "Friends" darling Jennifer Aniston stood on the verge of being America's next sweetheart, following in the footsteps of it-gals like Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts.

But now, nearly six years after the hit NBC comedy wrapped, Aniston still hasn't captured that crown. Instead, she's the girl Brad Pitt rejected for Angelina Jolie, who John Mayer claims he isn't quite over and who was Gerard Butler's possible make-out partner at this year's Golden Globes.

Tough break.

But while Aniston was perfect as the fashion-obsessed, somewhat neurotic Rachel Green, she hasn't really had much success on the big screen, and her latest film, "Love Happens," out now on DVD, is a good example why. A romantic drama about a self-improvement guru, Dr. Burke Ryan (Aaron Eckhart), who gets over his wife's death with the help of Eloise (Aniston), a positive-thinking florist, the film is trite and predictable, with absolutely no nuance to make the movie believable.

Instead, it's simplistic and unbearable, relying mainly on Eckhart's chiseled looks and Aniston's girl-next-door appeal to carry the plot. That obviously wasn't enough, since the film made about $27 million on a budget of $18 million. And it certainly wasn't a critical hit; it only has a 17 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Unfortunately, it's just another film in a long line (with the exceptions of "Office Space," which was hilarious, and "Marley and Me," which had a cute dog) that thrust Aniston into a starring role and expect her cutesy demeanor — basically Rachel, but with a few tweaks — to make it all work.

What are three Aniston-centered films that suffer most from this flaw? Watch 'em and weep.

"ROCK STAR"
Mark Wahlberg has made some poor choices in his career — "Planet of the Apes," "Shooter," "Max Payne," take your pick — but in a way, "Rock Star" almost made sense. Playing a leather-wearing, hair metal-loving faux-rock star with a chiseled body is kind of believable for the "Boogie Nights" breakout star, even if his hairpiece was pretty horrendous. But why Aniston allowed herself to get tangled into this wholly wretched film should be beyond anyone's comprehension.

As Emily, the girlfriend of Chris Cole (Wahlberg), the lead singer of a tribute band who gets tapped to sing for the actual band he loves, Steel Dragon, Aniston seemed completely out of place — too pretty and not skanky enough for the cheesy '80s surroundings.

From helping pierce Chris' nipple to being shocked by his cavorting with scantily clad groupies, Aniston just seems bored, and her character never really gets developed — she's just the girlfriend of the guy who gets famous. Sure, she's responsible for a few catty lines here and there, but she's certainly not a Penny Lane.

"THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION"
In this romantic comedy, which came out four years after Aniston started playing Rachel on "Friends," Aniston portrays Nina, a social worker who falls in love with her gay best friend George (Paul Rudd) while pregnant with her obnoxious, overbearing ex-boyfriend's child.

But while the character's names may be different, Nina practically has all of Rachel's weird ticks: She falls in love with a man who's completely unattainable (like immature assistant Tag, played by Eddie Cahill), is somewhat ignorant of reality (why would anyone think Ross would actually annul the marriage?) and prone to overwhelming moments of narcissism (that letter!).

The film ends happily, with both Nina and George ending up with people that are more suited for their needs — and sexualities — but the conclusion's so obvious that you'd be better off spending 111 minutes doing something else.

"DERAILED"
It's hard to sit through "Derailed" not only because star Clive Owen was so amazing in "Children of Men" that it's nearly impossible for anything to live up to Alfonso Cuaron's 2006 sci-fi film, but also because Aniston is supposed to be conniving and sexy — and isn't.

As the double-crossing Jane, a woman who pretends to fall in love with married men and then helps her real boyfriend blackmail them for hundreds of thousands of dollars, Aniston is supposed to be charming and family-oriented (much like Rachel is with daughter Emma) but also lusty and ruthless. Yet lines like, "I think ... I want to fuck you," are laughably unbelievable coming from the otherwise doe-eyed actress. When it comes to over-the-top skankiness, Aniston just doesn't fit the bill — was Gina Gershon busy or something?

Written by Express contributor Roxana Hadadi