Will Rast of Funk Art
@ Fort Reno
Q:What's your song for summer?
A:"'I Ain't Nobody's Baby' by Sharon Jones."
Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.
IT'S BEEN AN extraordinarily eventful week in the entertainment industry, with the passing of Michael Jackson, arguably one of the most famous people on Earth, reverberating around the world. More analysis — in gigabytes and in ink — has spilled forth than I could ever begin to digest.
But one curious aspect of the public's reaction, from a psychological perspective, is the perennial insistence that celebrity deaths happen in threes. No matter how much the evidence stacks against it (it seems crass for me to list the additional well-known deaths that have happened in the past few weeks as contradiction), many people still are quite attached to this theory.
Continue Reading "Baggage Check: Three, the Magic Number?" »
WHEN MY BOYFRIEND and I are both having good days, we get along. But the moment that I become irritable (which is a lot), everything comes out. He accuses me of holding grudges. And I know that I do. The moment that he makes me angry, I feel so overwhelmed with anger, and I think about every little thing he's done for the past three years — including small stuff such as being a bit late or not remembering to pick up my dry cleaning. I don't know how to stop this pattern. — So Angry
The first question I have is whether this irritability is directed exclusively toward your boyfriend, or whether you've been having some of these same emotions with co-workers, friends and family, too.
Regardless, it sounds like you have a lot of stress going on, and at the very least could use a bit of support in developing some coping mechanisms and stress reduction techniques: That's what stops this pattern. A good cognitive-behavioral therapist could help you break down this stress-anger cycle and develop a step-by-step process toward ending it. If all or most of your ire seems to be specific to your boyfriend, you'd also benefit from figuring out whether your relationship dynamic can be rewritten in a healthier way, or whether there's simply not enough Wite-Out in the world to make that happen.
I HAVE ESCALATING tensions with my townhouse neighbor. We had a conflict early on about her insistence on having loud parties and letting her dog go all over my front yard. I thought things were better, but now I am getting a series of hang-ups on my land line from a number that I am 99 percent sure is hers, and, occasionally, she will be drunk and yell at me from her deck late at night. The last straw was that I found smashed beer bottles thrown onto my deck. — Ick! in va.
First, you have to start documenting everything that's going on. We can't know for sure that she's the culprit, though it certainly seems to fit her boozy MO. But your biggest concern should be not letting this escalate — don't let your understandable frustration lead you to up the ante. You might also consider writing her a simple note (no passive-aggression allowed!). Don't accuse her of anything, but say you're sorry that it seems like friction has developed and that you'd like to start over; you respect her and want peace. If she continues to antagonize you, contact your homeowners association (they're good for more than carping about the color of your door) and local law enforcement for guidance.
I HAVE A FRIEND who's becoming a "frenemy." She's always been a bit competitive, sporting an "everything you can do I can do better" attitude. I used to have to deal with this only sporadically. But now she's transferred into my division at work and I have to deal with her bragging and trying to upstage me daily. I don't know whether she does this intentionally, but I really like this girl and I don't want to be in constant competition with her. How do I nip this in the bud before it ruins our friendship? — Very Annoyed, d.c,
Like when I'm trying to choose a new toothpaste, I'm confused. Your response to someone who's always trying to upstage you is to "really like" her?
It's time to reevaluate whether this is someone you actually need to be close with. What does she bring to your relationship? Are you doing it out of fear of not being on her good side? Is she really capable of giving you the support that friends are supposed to? Is she soon going to be one-upping your cube-decorating habits? Be honest with yourself, and let things cool off if she's not friendship material.
If you're convinced she is, then bring the issue to her attention, gently and privately. Say that you sometimes feel like she views things as a competition, and that makes you uncomfortable. You might choose one or two specific examples so that she can't say, "I don't know what you're talking about." Then give her a chance to tone it down.
Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.
RECENT RESEARCH SHOWS a correlation between later bedtimes and depressed and suicidal thoughts among teenagers.
As always with correlational research, we've got a chicken and egg conundrum (and as per usual, this angle is under-reported in the mainstream media).
Is there such a thing as Barney the dinosaur therapy for adults (i.e. a non-threatening form of therapy)? My boyfriend keeps a lot of his past under wraps. I know that there is a lot that is bothering him, but he won't talk to me about it, and he won't talk to anyone else, either.
— He needs help
It makes sense that some of the people who could most benefit from therapy are also the ones who have the hardest time seeking it out. In fact, the idea of opening up to someone — let alone a stranger, who possibly has a notepad — can be downright horrifying.
But the good news is, helping create a forum that feels safe and noninvasive is something that therapists are trained to do. Many times, making the appointment, showing up and sitting down for the first 10 minutes are the biggest obstacles of all.
That's not to say that it will always be easy, but if you get a good, competent therapist, your boyfriend should not run out screaming. (Unless, of course, he or she actually does use Barney the dinosaur.)
Continue Reading "Baggage Check: Approaching Therapy With Kid Gloves" »
Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.
WHERE SHOULD THE line be drawn with children and reality shows? The dirty diaper has hit the fan with the recent news that the California mother of octuplets (and six other children) has recently scored her own reality show. Making even more headlines, the ratings for "Jon and Kate Plus 8" have gone through the roof with scandalous accusations of marital strife and infidelity.
Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.
IT'S A SITUATION that strikes fear in the hearts of many parents: children and adolescents getting themselves into danger on the Internet. Sure, able and independent adults have a hard enough time discovering that the "Emily" they've been corresponding with is actually a rather hirsute Fred. But for kids and teens, the deception — and victimization, which can easily spill into interactions offline — has the potential to ruin lives.
I AM A 20-YEAR-OLD MALE college student. I am so reserved when it comes to women. I can't approach them, can't say hi to them, and I even have trouble making them my friends. I have a lot of women in mind who I want to ask out, but I never have the guts to do so. I feel like a loser and a loner. — Solutions?
It sounds like you're caught in a cycle more vicious than a cruise ship stomach bug. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more anxious you'll feel, the more shy and reserved you'll be, and the fewer opportunities you'll have to show the real you and meet someone you're compatible with.
There are simple cognitive-behavioral techniques that can be found online to lessen your anxiety in the moment. But you could also benefit from counseling to deal with what sounds like a gaping hole in your self-esteem. Once you have just a few positive experiences, the confidence boost will open up a whole new world, allowing you to expand your dating possibilities and take the pressure off each interaction. This would lower your anxiety and start — forgive me — a vivacious cycle instead.
My dad is going through a midlife crisis and has become a male cougar, dating someone close to my age. I love my dad, but this terrifies me, considering his new girlfriend could pass as my sister. I see my dad again in a couple weeks. How do I confess that I know about this? — Ick
I don't know. How DO you know about this? I'm betting honesty is the best policy, unless the answer involves something like peeking around in his underwear drawer. As for your discomfort, feel free to get some space at first, but if they get more serious, you'll need to be able to pry your mind open about the situation — so, don't close it too tightly.
Continue Reading "Baggage Check: Father Thinks Young; Child Thinks 'Gross'" »
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