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FEW ESCAPED THE 2000S with a clear cultural conscience. Here are 15 questionable diversions that you helped to flourish. Please take a moment for silent reflection.
1) Sex Tapes: The growing ubiquity of online video meant we saw a lot more of such celebrities as Paris Hilton, Colin Farrell and even Dustin Diamond (aka Screech).
2) iPods: Thanks, Apple, for turning every subway car into an army of drones with white earbuds blasting music that everyone too poor/cheap to buy an iPod has to listen to.
3) Multiple Births: TV shows featuring large quantities of small children proved that people will be happy watching kids eat and sleep if a whole bunch of them do it at the same time.
4) Meltdowns: If you didn't score a DUI or host a public head-shaving, then you at least had to offer paparazzi a few choice shots of you slumped unconscious over your steering wheel.
Continue Reading "We Are Ashamed: 15 Diversions You Helped Flourish in the 2000s" »
A tribute in verse to the few, the proud — the people who came to work Christmas Eve.
'TWAS THE DAY before Christmas, and all through the city,
Workers were anxious; the result wasn't pretty.
Their heads were hung at their desks in despair,
Since most of the folks in the office weren't there.
Employees burrowed and shrunk in their cubes,
Looking at Facebook, Gawker and YouTube.
The bosses had left on vacation, you see.
But they kindly told all they could get out by 3.
When the time finally came, there arose such a clatter
As pencils flew wildly and coffee mugs shattered.
Away to the Metro, they flew in a flash.
They'd misplaced their SmarTrip, but had enough cash.
They leapt for the trains so lively and quick
They bumped other riders who cried, "Don't be a [jerk]!"
As the doors finally closed, the conductor's voice came
And she scratchily called out the stations by name:
"Now Archives! Now Suitland! Now Capitol South!
... Hey, those best not be French fries in your mouth!"
With iPods and cell phones and pagers in tow,
Riders chattered and clattered in neat orange rows.
Finally, the brakes, they set in with a whistle,
As people standing like packed sardines bristled.
And the workers' eyes brightened as they each reached their stops.
Till they realized their next move: The mall. To shop.
Adapted from a post originally published Dec. 21, 2007
Capitol Christmas tree by Karen Bleier/AFP/Getty Images
WINTER WEATHER IS DESCENDING on D.C., and the excitement is contagious.
The city's abuzz in many ways: The schoolkid who hopes for a day away from classes. The parent who warily eyes her toilet paper supply. The singleton who makes sure his stockpile of comfort food is mac & cheesy. The linguist who savors mantra-like repetitions of the name "Topper Shutt."
But may are engaging in D.C.'s favorite pre-snow pastime: Self-mockery.
We know. We make runs on grocery stores like they're depression-era banks. We buy enough salt and sand and de-icing spray to gut Superman's Fortress of Solitude.
We freak out. We can't drive. We certainly can't travel. And we feed off the disdain of folks from colder climates who roll their eyes at our wintry histrionics.
Your scorn sustains us.
So, how are Washingtonians reacting to reports of up to 20 inches of snow headed our way this weekend? We took to Facebook and Twitter to find out.
Some seemed jubilant.
» Judy M. Miller: I've got my snowshoes and skiis ready! Let everyone else shovel ;i'll be out skiing on the C & O Canal towpath, camera in hand.
» Elaina Voyles: I'M SO STINKING EXCITED!!!
» Richard Hardy: It's seriously gonna snow here in DC. It's going to be fun. Feeling a little misty eyed about Christmas this year...
Others, wary.
» dexhandle: go figure, the first real snow D.C. will see is right when I want to fly. Looking forward to spending a couple of hours at the airport.
Continue Reading "Flakesbook: D.C. Snow and Social Networking" »
MC SPANDEX, I think I love you. (Hat tip to the Practical Cyclist.)
ALICE SWANSON. Ask any cyclist in the D.C. area and they'll know her story.
On July 8, 2008, the 22-year-old was struck and killed by a garbage truck while commuting to her job at the International Research & Exchanges Board via bicycle. Over the last year, Swanson has evolved into a symbol of cycling safety in the city. The Washington Area Bicyclist Association placed a bike painted white — called a ghost bike — at the scene of Swanson's crash (Connecticut and R streets NW) as a memorial and reminder for others on the road.
On Aug. 28, the Department of Public Works removed the bike. Speculation swirled that nearby businesses had considered it unsightly.
Now, the ghost bike is back — and it's brought friends. The bikes were unloaded this morning by Legba Carrefour, a 27-year-old Columbia Heights resident, who says their number is significant.
"[Swanson] was 22 when she was hit," he explained. "So we're putting out one bike for each year of her life."
AS IF THIS summer's actual programming wasn't objectionable enough, there has been a recent glut of crass and offensive television advertising as well. Below, we examine four of the worst offenders.
» PADMA LAKSHMI FOR HARDEE'S WESTERN BACON THICKBURGER
Using sexuality in advertising is certainly nothing new, but "Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi's new spot promoting Hardee's burger colossus verges on the pornographic. She spends most of the commercial licking sauce and meat juice off of her fingers, breaking only to clean errant barbecue sauce drippings from assorted body parts and turn the burger sideways so as to better "savor that sweet spicy sauce." This commercial may reinforce the idea of Lakshmi as a sensualist, but rhapsodizing in voice-over over the Thickburger will hardly cement her status as a discerning culinary critic, despite the implication of the ad's slogan, "More than just a piece of meat."
Continue Reading "Ad Nauseam: Questionable TV Commercials" »
FIRST THERE WAS Coco Chanel. There there was Coco Moore, a most fashionable Sonic Youth offspring. And now there's Coco Perez. That's right, gossip biddies — to quote Sir Elton John, "the bitch is back," but in a whole new wardrobe.
Infamous celebrity blogger Perez Hilton expands his media empire with the launch of sister site Cocoperez.com, focusing on all things fashion and fashionable.
While he's usually the one asking the questions, we put on our most haute coutre press hats and turned the tables on the 31-year-old self-proclaimed "Queen of All Media" to get the scoop on his vogue new endeavor.
Continue Reading "Coo Coo for CocoPerez.com: Perez Hilton Talks About His New Web Site" »
PEREZ HILTON, DARLING. Word on the Internets is that you're expanding your empire: A fashionista blog, Cocoperez.com, is said to be launching tomorrow — and you're hard at work on a a music label imprint, too. Since you're all set to take on the world, we thought we'd try to predict a few more battlefields onto which your conquering army of snark might march.
FITNESS WITH PEREZ
Instead of exchanging harsh words with stars, challenge them to sweat out their grievances with you instead. Want to get into a slap-a-thon with will.i.am? Bring him to a class at L.A. Boxing. Or ask Pamela Anderson to try out pilates class. (You've got to admit "Pilates with Perez" has a certain ring to it).
And who knows? Expanding your fitness training horizons could bring new celeb interview opps. For instance: A certain "Grey's Anatomy" "McDreamy" is known to cycle around Los Angeles. Ahem. All you'd need to do is suit up in spandys, hope on a bike and chat him up about how annoying Ellen Pompeo's Meredith is as you pedal along. Sorry Lance; it's not Livestrong, it's Perezstrong!
Continue Reading "Putting on the Perez: How the 'Queen of All Media' Can Expand His Empire" »
WHAT INSPIRED DAN MORRISON to start a nonprofit that connects socially conscious people with critical, charitable projects in developing nations around the world? A well.
A broken well, actually, having just been demolished by an earthquake in the small village of Vachharajpur in Gujarat, India. Residents then had to make a daily five-hour trek to the next town to get clean water.
Morrison, a management consultant, heard about the situation while visiting India for business. When he returned to the U.S., Morrison couldn't forget the town's dire need and decided to raise funds to help the people.
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS since "Arlington: The Rap" -- a song by resident Remy Munasifi that paid homage to the county's many tiny dogs and Starbucks shops -- made the rounds on YouTube. That's more than enough time for some competition to crop up, right?
Freelance artist Chris Culosi, creator of the new "Fairfax Rap," apparently thinks so. Express asked the 26-year-old about his rhymes and whether he's looking to start an Arlington-vs.-Fairfax battle royal.
» EXPRESS: So, you live in Fairfax, right?
» CULOSI: Well, I live in Annandale -- but I hang out in Fairfax all the time. I never claimed I live there.
» EXPRESS: When did you first see "Arlington: The Rap"?
» CULOSI: A buddy of mine showed me "Arlington: The Rap" within the first week it dropped. I looked at it and I thought it as kind of funny. I personally don't like Arlington -- I don't like one-way streets and parking on the street. I noticed Remy got a lot of hits. Not necessarily trying to ride his coattails, I was like, "You know what? It can be good for me, as someone trying to put my name out there -- and also good for him to respond." I did the best I could to write something humorous about where I'm from and challenge him in hopes he'll respond. We can brew something locally in a comedic way about our two cities. I think Remy is funny. He's good at what he does. This is my first attempt at doing anything like this. ... It's catching on like wildfire and I'm actually shocked by it.
» EXPRESS: What's your response to those who'd say you're a copycat?
» CULOSI: That's what's funny. The whole opening of the video revolved around the fact that I saw his rap and I'm responding to it. I was never trying to hide being a "copycat." If I were to put a rap video up there or satirical thing about where I'm from then to me that would be copying his idea.
Addison Road