Since everyone, no matter how destitute, deserves a few holiday surprises, Express did some searching on eBay for the cheapest available gift options. All of the following items were priced at one penny and offered free shipping.

By now, many of these auctions will be complete, and it's possible that bidders will drive the prices up. It's very easy to replicate our experiment, however. From the eBay advanced search, just select a category, enter ".01 to .01" as the price range, select the "Free shipping" option, and specify the number of bids as zero.

Feel free to share any entertaining finds in the comments section, or just enjoy your acquisitions.

Surprise! It's those relatives you invite every year out of obligation — the ones who never come. Worried you won't have enough food to go around? Washington's top food and drink gastronimos are sharing delicious, easy-to-make sides you can whip up out of leftovers or extras. Just in case.

» The Appetizer: Chestnut Soup
By chef Luigi Diotaiuti, Al Tiramisu

1 lb. cooked and peeled chestnuts
2 tbsps butter
1 small shallot, diced
1 carrot, diced
1 celery stalk, diced
Chicken or vegetable broth
1 thyme sprig
Salt and pepper

MAKES 4-6 SERVINGS: In a medium saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the shallot, fresh thyme. Saute until the shallot is soft and starts coloring, or about five minutes. Make it sweat. When it's golden, add the chestnuts, water and broth. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer until the chestnuts are tender, about 15 minutes.

Remove the thyme. Reserve two whole chestnuts for decoration and transfer the rest to a blender. Blend until smooth.

Reheat over medium heat, adding salt, pepper and a spoonful of heavy cream.
When ready to serve, put the diced and previously blanched celery and carrot in the bottom of the dish. Pour the chestnut soup on top and decorate with the reserved whole chestnut. Serve.

» Patriot Center, 4500 Patriot Circle, Fairfax; Fri. and Sat., Nov. 21 and 22, 7:30 p.m.; Sat., 2 p.m; $24.50-$40, 703-993-3000.

Written by Express' Nathan Martin

I'm not going to advocate for most of the popular recreational options of the Great Depression, since I firmly believe that antagonizing hobos is wrong, but one old-fashioned possibility to consider is reading. It makes you smarter, it's a major time-killer and it can be done on the cheap.

I visited four D.C. bookstores to see what they had to offer for $10 or less.

But it turns out we needn't sacrifice our palates. Online reservations site OpenTable (Opentable.com) has launched a nationwide "Appetite Stimulus Plan" this Monday through Friday, with restaurants dishing up $24 tasty lunches and $35 dinner specials.

Think of it as Restaurant Week … on a budget.

"We're hoping this is going to stimulate people to come out," says Matisse owner Fritz Siegfried. "It would be nice if it works!" His Tenleytown cafe is one of 160 D.C.-area establishments participating in the event. A sample of what he'll offer includes a midday organic salad followed by corn-crusted calamari and freshwater trout with lemon caper sauce, or an evening mango sorbet with grilled mangos after a filet mignon dinner.

Renowned D.C. restaurants are also plating delectable dishes. Dinner at Jaleo includes the choice of four tantalizing tapas — endives with goat cheese, oranges and almonds to seared monkfish — and homemade dessert.

Perhaps you'd prefer duck confit (Cafe Atlantico)? Or the choices of three Latin appetizers, a taco and dessert (Oyamel)? Indebleu's got caper-crusted diver scallops and coconut milk-poached halibut. And Panache is offering risotto with lamb and pan seared rockfish.

This is hardly a complete list of what's available — consider it a smidgen to whet your appetite.

Er, right?

Well, OK, not quite. But perhaps you are one of the lucky ones whose savings account hasn't dried up and whose stock portfolio hasn't jumped off a ledge. So, with you in mind — since you're not special enough already, Richie Rich — here's a guide to some expensive outings you can experience during November. Of course, none of us here can afford to do any of these things, but be sure to write us and let us know what a great time you had! Jerk.

But you know what they say, the hair of the, uh, Election Day dog (or elephant and donkey for that matter) cures all ills. So whether you're uplifted or deflated by yesterday's results, here are tips on where you can celebrate or commiserate tonight.

CELEBRATORY MEASURES
The Taste of Champions: How better to celebrate Obama's win than with a slice of Chicago-style pizza at Armand's. But what's the ultimate taste of election victory? A pepperoni pizza with tomatoes, mozzarella and ... wait for it ... arugula ($13, $9 during the 3-7 p.m. happy hour) at Chef Geoff's. Don't forget to stop in at Oceanaire for baked Alaska ($7) for dessert! (Too soon?)
» Armand's, 226 Massachusetts Ave. NE; 202-547-6600. (Union Station)
» Armand's, 4231 Wisconsin Ave. NW; 202-686-9450. (Tenleytown)
» Oceanaire Seafood Room, 1201 F St. NW; 202-347-2277. (Metro Center)
» Chef Geoff's, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave. NW; 202-464-4461. (Metro Center)
» Oceanaire Seafood Room 1201 F St. NW; 202-347-2277. (Metro Center)

Jam for Obama, Mon: Yeah, there's Obama Girl's crush-worthy ditty and Ludacris' "Obama is Here," but if you pop into Adams Morgan's Bukom Cafe after 9 p.m., there's a chance that you might hear one of the many reggae anthems recorded about the Illinois senator.
» Bukom Cafe, 2442 18th St. NW; 202-265-4600. (Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan)

Open the Lines of Communication: So there's been a lot of talk about reaching across the aisle and taking different perspectives into account. We say drink it in, for real. Head to Brickskeller and order up a Baltica #8 Wheat Ale brewed in good ol' Russia (which, sadly, you can't see from D.C.). Let's get crackin' on those larger world issues one sip at a time.
» Brickskeller, 1523 22nd St. NW; 202-293-1885. (Dupont Circle)

Do Your Victory Dance: You can get your jubliant gyrations on at most clubs in the city, but Fly Lounge's aptly titled Elite Wednesday throwdown (10 p.m.) is for true winners. Especially if you're a lady constituent: Women get in free and receive a glass of champagne. Sorry, fellas, you have to cough up $10 and need to get on the guest list.
» Fly Lounge, 1802 Jefferson Pl. NW; 202-828-4433. (Dupont Circle)

Practice Makes Perfect: Before sharpening up your hypothetical knives to slice up pork barrel spending, might we suggest stopping by the Great Wall Szechuan House, where you can cut into their tasty Szechuan twice-cooked pork ($11)?
» Great Wall Szechuan House, 1527 14th St. NW; 202-797-8888.

SOLACE-SEEKER SPOTS
Fists of Fury: An easy way to work out that aggression? Head to Arlington's Carpool, where a buck lets you wallop a wee punching-bag game called Boxer.
» Carpool, 4000 Fairfax Dr., Arlington; 703-532-7665. (Ballston)

Target Your Rage: Speaking of bucks, channel your inner NRA gun-slinger and pop off virtual rounds at Rocket Bar's Buck Hunter arcade games. They've got both the original and safari versions (you know, for those who want their target practice with an extra sense of worldliness).
» Rocket Bar, 714 7th St. NW; 202-628-7665. (Chinatown/Gallery Place)

Sing Your Sorrow: Don't let your memorization of Hank Williams Jr.'s ditty "McCain-Palin Tradition" go to waste. Head to Remingtons for the country western bar's karaoke night, where you can belt it out while two-steppin' in style.
» Remingtons, 639 Pennsylvania Ave. SE; 202-543-3113. (Eastern Market)

It's a simple American story, and every one is different. What was your trip to the polls like? Was it crowded? Cold? Hot? Filled with partisan bluster? Cloaked in silence? We want to know.

So when you go to your local polling station, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. Once you get back to your office, leave a comment at the bottom of this post. Our D.C., Maryland and Virginia staffers have started weighing in on their experiences. Read their dispatches below.

REAL-VIRGINIA IS FOR VOTING LOVERS
"You guys got here at a really good time, the line is really short." A twentysomething gal in a fuschia fleece handed my sister and me an Arlington Democratic Sample Ballot, and gestured to the line wrapped around the sidewalk. "It should only take you 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes ago, there were people all the way to that stop sign over there." She pointed further up the street. Nice. Compared to a failed attempt to vote absentee this past Sunday at the Arlington County office in Courthouse -- which had a three-and-a-half-hour wait -- this would be a breeze.

And it was. It only took 30 minutes. Considering Virginia is a bellwether state, and Northern Virginia is playing a pivotal role in whether the commonwealth goes blue today, I had expected heated arguments. People pulling out yard signs. Passion! Excitement!

The closest thing to a conflict? After receiving the Democratic sample on my left, a petite woman in her 70s with short curly hair and glasses approached me on my right to pass along an Arlington GOP Sample Ballot with a smile. If only she had pushed me aside to tackle her pamphlet opponent to the ground! Her hands locked around Fleece Girl's neck in a kung fu grip! Hurry someone call for help!

Instead, it was just chit chat and friendly smiles as my neighbors and I patiently waited our turn. It started to drizzle. Cute Republican pamphlet lady fiddled with her American flag umbrella, and a "Good Morning America" camera crew set up equipment in front of the Lyon Village Community House polling station. I licked the corner of my mouth to check for toothpaste spittle. Whew. Now that was a close call. -- Kris Coronado/Express

D.C., WENT NICE AND EASY
"The line at Hine wrapped wildly like a vine."

I spent the better part of my five-or-so-minute walk to Lemon G. Hine Junior High on Capitol Hill thinking of that rhyme to use in this writeup because I'd girded myself for the worst. Voter turnout was high, I'd heard. Polling stations were swamped. I was ready for some old-fashioned waitin'.

Turns out, my poetic moment took longer than voting did.

I arrived at Hine at 9:35 a.m., striding through the gantlet of political operatives handing out fliers for D.C. Council At-Large candidates Patrick Mara, Michael A. Brown and Carol Schwartz By 9:36, I was in the check-in line behind two older residents: a woman and a man who both looked to be in their 70s.

Both seemed as surprised as I was by how swiftly the process was moving.

"I don't need an ID?" the woman asked.

"No, because you voted before. You're fine," the election worker responded assuringly.

"That's easier than I thought," the woman replied.

So was the whole process. By 9:39, I had a ballot in hand. By 9:43 -- hey, it's worth rechecking those arrows, isn't it? -- I'd handed it in.

The Hine staff had apparently weathered their share of trouble. One election worker told a woman who requested to vote electronically that she couldn't because "somebody sabotaged the machine." Yikes.

But I didn't mind voting the old-fashioned way, and my experience at Hine couldn't have been simpler. -- Greg Barber/Express

CONSPIRACY THEORIES IN MARYLAND
We arrived at 7:45 a.m. to find the expected long line running out the door and down the sidewalk of Forest Knolls Elementary School in Silver Spring, Md. What we didn't find, however, was a single McCain-Palin sign — or any Republican's sign — posted alongside the placards for Obama-Biden, Chris Van Hollen and the like.

It smelled of a Democratic conspiracy, so I carefully monitored those in line with me to see if I could suss out any party affiliations — and by "party," I mean "Communist," of course. Because why else except for a secret socialist revolution would there not be a single Republican candidate advertisement outside the voter center — or as far as I could tell, in the entire Silver Spring and Wheaton areas that I call my 'hoods?

It took us an hour and 15 minutes of waiting until I could finally cast my vote, and it was worth every second of the time because not only was I able to exercise my democratic right, I was able to deduce exactly what was happening in this mixed-race, middle-class enclave of Montgomery County. As we left the school, we spotted this shifty li'l devil at right — surely an agent of ACORN — hovering around the Obama-Biden signs.

He looked like he had just swallowed a canary (or a box of Cheerios), and a pile of McCain-Palin signs lay in a dirty heap near his sippy cup.

We're on to you, dude, and if Barack Obama wins the election, we'll know it's because of you and your nefarious activities.

(And, yeah, we saw your "I Voted" sticker — but how many times? Voter fraud!) -- Christopher Porter/Express

» NEED TO KNOW where your polling place is? Check in with washingtonpost.com's Local Voters Guide.

Photos by Greg Barber/Express; Christopher Porter/Express

Home-grown election parties can be great, but some occasions are meant to be celebrated in big, unruly groups. What better time is there to experience the unfettered joy of hugging a complete stranger than when the candidate you believe in gets a chance to run the country?

If getting out of the house gets your vote, here are some spots that will happily host you, no matter your political affiliation.