INEXPERIENCED
TEEN FATHER AMAZED THAT CHILD ACTS LIKE ALL INFANTS
Levi Johnston mused about fatherhood at the GQ Men of the Year awards, People.com reported. "He is very funky," he said of son Tripp. "He's got a lot of energy. He's always looking to mess things up, break things. He's crazy."

IDENTITY
'WHO I AM IS ALSO A PERSON WHO CRAVES MEDIA COVERAGE'
Chaz Bono says beginning the process to turn him from a woman to a man is "the best decision I've ever made." Bono says he's eight months into the years-long transformation and feels great. He told ABC's "Good Morning America" on Thursday: "Life is short, and life is precious. This is who I am. I need to finally be who I am." Bono says he always felt like a boy growing up and came out as a lesbian 11 years ago. He tells ABC: "To me, gender is between your ears, not between your legs. I've felt male as far back as I can remember."

TRASHY
ARBY'S WASN'T HIRING
Kim Kardashian will appear in a Carl's Jr. ad in which she'll eat one of the restaurant's Premium Salads in bed, then take a bubble bath, People.com reported. "This is the first commercial they've ever done for anything but a burger," she said. "It totally fits what I'm about right now."

ALREADY BORED
MIKE TYSON KERFUFFLE WILL NOW NEVER GO AWAY
Prosecutors have begun investigating whether to charge Mike Tyson and a photographer for a scuffle at Los Angeles International Airport. City attorney's spokesman Frank Mateljan says investigators want to interview both men and see video of the incident.

PRETTY
BLACKMAIL CASE THIN EXCUSE TO RUN CINDY CRAWFORD PICS
The man charged with trying to extort $100,000 from former model Cindy Crawford has surrendered in Stuttgart, Germany. Edis Kayalar gave himself up at a police station Monday. He has been charged in Los Angeles with one count of extortion. If convicted, he could face up to two years in prison.

NINE DAYS?
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME TONSILLECTOMY
Elton John is back on his feet after having the flu and an E. coli infection. "The worst thing about being in the hospital was that, actually, it's the first time I've been in bed for about nine days in the whole of my life, except for maybe when I had my tonsils out," he said.

NEWS CYCLE
TOMORROW: HER AMAZING BABY-WEIGHT LOSS SECRETS!!
Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima has given birth to a daughter fathered by her husband, Marko Jaric, People.com reported. "Adriana and Marko are thrilled to announce they had a baby girl, Valentina Lima Jaric," a representative said. "Mother, father and baby are all doing well." The couple married this year on Valentine's Day.

DESIRED REACTION
'OMG, SJP'S SURROGATE TOUCHED THIS HOUSEHOLD ITEM!'
An Ohio judge is set to begin opening arguments in the trial of a police chief accused of snooping on the woman who carried twins for Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick. A jury was seated Monday in the case of Barry Carpenter, formerly police chief in Martins Ferry, where surrogate Michelle Ross lived. Carpenter and another police chief are accused of scheming to sell items from the woman's home to celebrity photographers. A prosecutor says Ross and two photographers are expected to testify. Carpenter could face 21 1/2 years in prison.

INDESCRETIONS
CARRIES & TAPE X 8
Former Miss California Carrie Prejean, who admitted last Monday to making the "biggest mistake of my life" by making a sex tape, may have more to hide. Radaronline.com reported that there are no fewer than eight tapes, in addition to 30 nude photos, in existence featuring Prejean.

FAULT
SURE, BLAME BERNIE
Zsa Zsa Gabor's lawyer blames Bernard Madoff for his client's hefty tax bill. The Internal Revenue Service filed a lien of more than $118,000 for the years 2001 and 2002 against the actress, 92, on Oct. 5. Gabor's lawyer says she lost about $7 million in Madoff's Ponzi scheme.

CONFUSION
SENIOR MOMENT FUNNY ONCE, SILLY TWICE, OFFENSIVE THIRD
Bruce Springsteen bellowed "Hello, Ohio!" to his fans at the Palace of Auburn Hills, which is in Michigan. Springsteen referred to Ohio several times Friday night until guitarist Steve Van Zandt whispered in his ear. A visibly embarrassed Springsteen said such a mistake was "every front man's nightmare."

UNIONS
NO ONE CARES NOW, BUT IT'LL BE HUGE ON DVD
Ron Livingston and Rosemarie DeWitt have tied the knot. The 42-year-old "Office Space" star and 35-year-old "Rachel Getting Married" actress married Nov. 2 in San Francisco, according to Livingston's spokeswoman, Carri McClure.

DADDY DIRTBAG
NINTH KID TO BURDEN KATE ON CHRISTMAS
Jon Gosselin will spend Christmas with estranged wife Kate and their eight children, he told Popeater.com. "Christmas Eve and Christmas day are joint shared custody days, which means we're both in the house," he says. "They do the stockings early Christmas morning. Kate makes sticky buns. We keep it all the same. ... That way they have the sense of security with everything that's going on. But, this year, there's a lot of paparazzi, so who knows? Every year it's different." Jon Gosselin, however, will see his kids for only half of Thanksgiving.

CRIME
COUPLE SKETCHIER THAN A TABLOID LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN
An arrest warrant has been dropped for actor Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, who are accused of stiffing a Santa Barbara County hotel on a $10,000 bill. Prosecutor Lee Carter says the warrant was recalled after the Quaids posted bail of $20,000 each last week. The warrant was issued after the Quaids failed to show up for three court appearances.

SCANDAL
SPOUSAL SEX TAPES BORING IF YOU ONLY STAY MARRIED
A California judge has granted a temporary restraining order barring Jennifer Lopez's first husband from distributing 11 hours of home video footage from their marriage that Lopez claims includes sexual situations. Ojani Noa had planned to distribute the footage and proposed making a film, "The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story."

SPLITS
YOU MAKE ME WANNA LEAVE
R&B singer Usher's divorce from Tameka Raymond is final as of last week, according to court documents. Usher, 31, whose real name is Usher Raymond IV, filed for divorce from Raymond on June 12. He said the couple had been separated since July 2008 and claimed that the marriage was "irretrievably broken." Raymond disputed Usher's claim that the couple had been separated.

HUMILIATION
CLASSIC BAD GUY: 'LET'S KEEP MY AWFUL BEHAVIOR SECRET'
On Friday, Chris Brown made a statement to MTV News about ex-girlfriend Rihanna's revealing interview with ABC's Diane Sawyer. "While I respect Rihanna's right to discuss the specific events of February 8," Brown says, "I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us."

SHIFT
'DWTS' TEMPORARILY TURNS INTO 'SINGING WITH THE BRITS'
Susan Boyle will fly to Los Angeles early this week to perform on "Dancing With the Stars," according to Usmagazine.com. The "Britain's Got Talent" runner-up will perform "I Dreamed a Dream," the Les Miserables song that skyrocketed her to fame last April. Pro dancers Tony Dovolani and Chelsie Hightower will perform on the ballroom floor as she sings.

JUDGEMENT
COLD SHADOW OF OPRAH'S DISAPPROVAL CAST ON SINNER
Oprah Winfrey says she's keeping singer BeBe Winans off her show until domestic violence charges against him are resolved. The gospel singer had taped appearances on Winfrey's "karaoke challenge" and was on last Friday. Winans was charged with misdemeanor domestic assault last winter.

CLOSINGS
FIRST, CELINE DION GOES, AND NOW THIS!
Bette Midler will perform her Las Vegas show "The Showgirl Must Go On" for the last time on Jan. 31. Midler's show has had a home for nearly two years at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace. Her stint began on Feb. 20, 2008.