JUDGEMENT
COLD SHADOW OF OPRAH'S DISAPPROVAL CAST ON SINNER
Oprah Winfrey says she's keeping singer BeBe Winans off her show until domestic violence charges against him are resolved. The gospel singer had taped appearances on Winfrey's "karaoke challenge" and was on last Friday. Winans was charged with misdemeanor domestic assault last winter.

CLOSINGS
FIRST, CELINE DION GOES, AND NOW THIS!
Bette Midler will perform her Las Vegas show "The Showgirl Must Go On" for the last time on Jan. 31. Midler's show has had a home for nearly two years at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace. Her stint began on Feb. 20, 2008.

SAFE PLAY
PALIN TURNS DOWN USED-BOOK CART SIGNING IN SAN FRAN
Oprah Winfrey is only the beginning for Sarah Palin's book tour. Starting Nov. 18, the day after Palin's "Going Rogue" is released and two days after she is interviewed by Winfrey, the former Alaska governor will make appearances across the country, from a Barnes & Noble store in Grand Rapids, Mich., to the Army post in Fort Bragg, N.C.

NON-NEWS
MOST NONCOMMITTAL STATEMENT EVER GETS PRESS
People.com is reporting that in an appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" Wednesday, "Amelia" star Hilary Swank said she and her boyfriend, John Campisi, have no plans to wed. But then, Swank added, "I don't know. We'll see." Swank divorced actor Chad Lowe in 2006 and has been dating Campisi for three years.

DIRTBAG DIGEST
HEY, WHAT DID JON GOSSELIN DO IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
Jon Gosselin expressed dismay at his estranged wife's claim that she didn't remember which of them called the marriage quits. "Hey at least she said 'didn't remember' instead of lieing [sic]," Gosselin Tweeted. He also took twins Mady and Cara to the bus and "came home to then hug my other six little morsels."

INVASIVE
MADONNA THREAT LEVEL DROPS TO BLUE ('GUARDED')
Madonna has left Malawi after a nearly weeklong visit, officials said Saturday. The singer arrived in the impoverished country last Sunday accompanied by her four children. While in Malawi, she broke ground for her $15 million Raising Malawi Academy for Girls and visited the orphanage from which she adopted her son David.

RECAP
DIRTBAG DIGEST
This weekend saw a torrent of Jon Gosselin-Hailey Glassman activity. Among the fun: Gosselin repented publicly in a Manhattan synagogue; Rabbi Shmuley Boteach urged Gosselin to break up with girlfriend Glassman; rumors of said breakup abounded after Glassman's account of Gosselin's "mantrums" last week on television; Glassman tweeted A LOT.

BABY NAMES
SON TRAGICALLY BORN WITH EXCESS VOWELS, CONSONANTS
It's another boy for Colin Farrell. A spokeswoman for the 33-year-old Irish-born actor said Friday that Farrell and Polish actress Alicja Bachleda welcomed son Henry Tadeusz Farrell on Oct. 7. Farrell has a 6-year-old son with model Kim Bordenave.

MACABRE
BIDDERS REALIZE HOW WEIRD, CREEPY AUCTION ACTUALLY IS
The second auction of the marble mausoleum crypt above Maryiln Monroe's final resting place in Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery didn't fetch any bids, says organizer Eric Gazin of Auctioncause.com. A previous $4.6 million bid for the space fell through in August.

REALITY
'LEVI + JON + NINE' IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
It's finally official: Levi johnston is going to give Playgirl magazine full-frontal nudity, TMZ.com reported. The photo shoot will be Nov. 16, the same day Sarah Palin appears on "The Oprah Winfrey Show."

STORY LINES
THREAT OF JAIL CRITICAL TO GOOD REDEMPTION ARC
"Hills" star Stephanie Pratt was officially charged Wednesday with suspicion of driving under the influence, according to TMZ.com. Pratt was arrested on Oct. 18 while driving home from Heidi Montag's birthday party. She faces up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine if convicted.

COMPLAINTS
ABSTINENCE PROMOTER WHINES ABOUT ABSTINENCE
Elisabeth Hasselbeck does not plan to bear more children, she told Barbara Walters Monday. The mother of three professes to be avoiding her husband and dressing undesirably so they will not have sex while she's waiting for birth control to kick in. "But in the meantime, I just find him incredibly attractive," she said

IDEAS
'PRICE IS RIGHT' HOST BEATS PETA TO THE PUNCH
Bob Barker donated $1 million to Springfield, Mo.'s Drury University to establish a professorship on animal rights. Barker said he hopes the school will offer a full program of studies on the topic.

UNCOOL
ROCK 'N ROLL AS GOUT
Eric Clapton has pulled out of Friday's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert in New York after undergoing gallstone surgery. A publicist said Tuesday that Clapton was doing well and recuperating with his family in England. Jeff Beck will replace Clapton.

REALITY
FOR THE LAST TIME, PEGGY OLSON IS NOT A REAL PERSON
"Mad Men" star Elizabeth Moss wed "Saturday Night Live's" Fred Armisen Sunday, People.com reported. The couple said their vows at the Foundry in Long Island City, N.Y. This is Armisen's second marriage and Moss' first.

MILESTONES
STARLET READY FOR REQUISITE BROADWAY DABBLING
Scarlett Johansson will star opposite Liev Schreiber early next year in a Broadway revival of Arthur Miller's "A View From the Bridge." Producer Stuart Thompson says the production will open Jan. 24 at the Cort Theater. Previews begin Dec. 28. Schreiber will portray a Brooklyn longshoreman who is obsessed with his 17-year-old niece, played by Johansson. The revival will be Johansson's Broadway debut. Schreiber won a Tony Award for his performance in the 2005 revival of David Mamet's "Glengarry Glen Ross."

DOMINATION
FIRST, THE FOOD; TOMORROW...
Rachael Ray is taking her quick and healthy recipes to New York City's schoolchildren. She will visit a Manhattan school on Monday to launch the partnership between her Yum-o! nonprofit organization — which teaches kids and families about healthy food and cooking — and the Department of Education.

FILLER
SUNDAY NEWS SHORTAGE FORCES PAPER TO RUN THIS
Prosecutors plan to retry a suspect in the theft of Kirsten Dunst's $2,000 purse during a Manhattan movie shoot. A judge Friday set a Dec. 3 date for the retrial of mechanic James Jimenez. Jurors couldn't reach a verdict on some felony burglary counts.

AILING
'CATS' COMPOSER HAS PROSTATE CANCER
Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The 61-year-old's condition is in its early stages, his reps said in a statement. "Andrew is now undergoing treatment and expects to be fully back at work before the end of the year."