Will Rast of Funk Art
@ Fort Reno
Q:What's your song for summer?
A:"'I Ain't Nobody's Baby' by Sharon Jones."
THE WASHINGTON POST'S late Sunday Source section once published some reader nominations for the D.C. areas most objectionable eyesores. While I am no particular fan of the Robert C. Weaver Federal Building, I nonetheless believe there are uglier things in Washington than the local architecture.
Even though the Kennedy Center is a bit boxy and boring, and the Washington Monument has little to offer besides an overstated phallic resemblance, you can always do a lot worse than well-lit white marble.
In tribute to Robert C. Weaver, his embattled Federal Building, and the late Sunday Source, here is my own highly subjective list of things in Washington I would prefer not to look at.
Continue Reading "Monumental Eyesores: The D.C. Area's Most Disgusting Sights" »
ANOTHER WIZARDS SEASON starts Wednesday, but it lacks the optimism that has permeated the past few years.
Gilbert Arenas has spent more time on the operating table than on the court over the past 18 months, and he's out for at least the first month of the season. Last year's breakout star and fashion plate Brendan Haywood just had wrist surgery and is likely lost for the entire year. Last year's other breakout star and all-around great guy Roger Mason signed with San Antonio.
The only additions the team made in the offseason were to bring back local hero Juan Dixon, draft some giant dude named JaVale and sign Dee Brown, who may or may not at present be better than the 39-year-old former player of the same name who retired six years ago.
In other words, it looks like it will be a long season. But that doesn't mean it will be a total loss. Here are some ways to make the 2008-2009 Wizards campaign more enjoyable.
Continue Reading "Wiz Kidding: How to Make the Wizards Season Fun" »
NOW THAT WE know the Celtics are officially the best team in the NBA — a fact that took some of us longer than others to realize — the Washington Wizards have their target.
In one year, Boston went from being the Eastern Conference's worst team to the league's best. Please tell me Ernie Grunfeld has some plan to jump-start the Wizards.
What we saw in the NBA Finals is that defense isn't just a cliché or something that’s nice to play once in a while. Because the Celtics dedicated themselves to defense, they were able to forever end comparisons between Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. (A big thank you is in order for that.)
Maybe this is the year Washington will finally get the message. The Wizards, sans Gilbert Arenas, improved defensively to compensate for the loss of Arenas' scoring. Yet they were hardly good enough to win a championship, and when Agent Zero returned, the team returned to its 2006 form
To move beyond the Cavaliers just to get to the Celtics, the Wizards might have to trade Arenas or let Antawn Jamison leave as a free agent, though Grunfeld insists neither will happen.
Next week's draft is the first step. I'm advocating an ABRH approach (Anyone But Roy Hibbert, who will be badly outmatched in the pros).
Kansas' Darrell Authur is a popular pick in mock drafts. He's a power forward, a position of need. That would be a good a start, but that's it.
Changes are needed; the Wizards can't keep hoping to avoid LeBron James in the playoffs.
Photo by Elsa/Getty Images
NOT TOO LONG AGO, D.C. had a few contenders who could be crowned King of the Local Advertisers.
No more.
While Matthew Lesko and the Senate Insurance "Kiss My Bumper!" guy are faint, annoying memories, the Eastern Motors jingle, with its surprisingly infectious mix of mariachi instrumentation and rap vocals, has achieved a kind of earworm immortality. Plus, the advertisements feature motley crews of superstar athletes from the Redskins, Ravens, Wizards and more along with regular peeps — sometimes even mouthing the words to the jam and bouncing to the Eastern beat.
After watching these commercials, it would take a lobotomy to dislodge the "Your job is your credit" slogan from your brain. Still, some are better than others, which is why we've ranked the Top 10 Eastern Motors ads.
Nurse, get me a scalpel and drill bit, stat!
Continue Reading "The Ads Are Their Credit: Eastern Motors" »
Last Friday, another Washington Wizards season ended with a playoff loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Meg Zamula took a few days to recover and compose some thoughts about her beloved Les Bulletz — or at least all the stuff that happens around the Wiz during a game at the Verizon Center.
DESPITE THE INJURIES, frustrating refereeing and occasional lack of offensive rebounding, it can't be denied that this season was entertaining. Even when the shots weren't falling, the Verizon Center tried hard to keep fans upbeat and engaged with non-basketball entertainment.
Here are the good, the bad and the startlingly unattractive aspects of the live Wizards experience.
THE GOOD
It was a banner year for the Kiss Cam. After years of Sixpence None the Richer's insipid "Kiss Me" serving as its soundtrack, someone apparently realized that the majority of Wizards fans do not spend the remainder of their leisure time watching "Dawson's Creek" reruns. Replacing Sixpence's tripe with Digital Underground's "Kiss Me and I'll Kiss You Back" was a significant improvement. And if you didn't have anyone to kiss you could still shimmy shimmy cocoa pop in your seat.
This season also provided fans with at least one classic Kiss Cam moment, when Wizards announcer Steve Buckhantz leaned over and lovingly smooched unsuspecting co-host Phil Chenier's ample forehead.
The adults featured on this year's Dance Cam tended to rely heavily on the lawn-sprinkler move, but D.C.'s children demonstrated enough rhythm and creativity to compensate. Hopefully the not-so-kid-friendly prize — a gift certificate to a seafood restaurant — won't discourage them in future efforts.
Continue Reading "Between the Bounces at the Verizon Center" »
AS IF BEING eliminated from the playoffs for a third straight year — at home, no less — isn't depressing enough, the news isn't getting any better for Wizards fans.
If you were to look at the situation objectively, one could very easily make the case that the lowly Miami Heat, the owner of the NBA's worst record this past season, is in a better situation to win a championship than our Wizards.
Based on the playoffs, it seems that your everyday, run-of-the-mill superstars just don’t cut it in the postseason.
Of the eight NBA teams left, six — Detroit and Utah are the exceptions — have a historically good player.
Sadly the Wizards, have no such star. Moreover, Gilbert Arenas and Antawn Jamison are free agents.
Jamison is a no-brainer to keep, as he is the team's true leader. If Arenas opts out of his contract, Washington would be crazy to give him a maximum contract given his knee trouble and erratic behavior. A sign-and-trade option would make he most sense then.
Now back to the Heat, which already has Dwayne Wade and Shawn Marion, and could very well end up with either Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose in the draft. If either rookie is as good as advertised, look out.
The Wizards, as currently constructed, can't beat LeBron James and finished behind Dwight Howard's Magic.
Add Miami to the mix and Washington is likely to fall, unless it finds one of those rare franchise players.
Photo by Preston Keres/TWP
AFTER BOWING OUT to the Cleveland Cavaliers for the third year in a row in the first round of the NBA Eastern Conference playoffs, the Washington Wizards have some serious offseason issues to address. Will Gilbert Arenas opt out of his contract? Will owner Abe Pollin keep head coach Eddie Jordan? Can they even keep free agent Antawn Jamison?
Join Express' Matt Swenson and Ian Herbert to discuss the road ahead for the Wizards.
NOTHING ABOUT THIS SERIES is pretty.
So, when the Wizards pulled out an ugly 88-87 victory in Cleveland on Wednesday, they breathed their biggest sigh of relief to date.
Two more grinding performances like that one — in which Caron Butler scored a career playoff-best 32 points and made a game-winning layup — will get them into the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs for the first time since 2005.
Of course, the Cavs have eliminated Washington in D.C. each of the last two seasons. They play at Verizon Center on Friday night.
Butler's shot — almost identical to the attempt LeBron James missed on the other end of the floor at the buzzer — was the team's final attempt in a game in which the Wizards made just 41 percent of their field-goal tries and turned the ball over 13 times in the first half. They were playing without Gilbert Arenas, who announced before the game that he was done for the year.
Continue Reading "Ugly Contest: Wizards, Cavaliers Leave Pretty at the Door" »
EARLIER THIS YEAR, we asked whether the Washington Wizards were better off without Gilbert Arenas, and we eventually decided the team's best player was needed to win in the playoffs.
Mea Culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa.
I was wrong, at least this year and in this most unusual situation.
Surely, it's no coincidence that the Wizards' two wins over Cleveland — including Wednesday night's thriller to stave off elimination — came when Arenas wasn't even a factor.
Agent Zero's presence has been a distraction all season. When he's healthy, he's one of the NBA's great players.
Anyone who's watched Washington the past month knows Arenas was anything but great, and the Wizards were worse trying to fit him in after he missed most of the season.
Continue Reading "Swengali: No Arenas? No Problem This Year" »
WITH LITTLE LEFT TO TALK ABOUT, maybe the Wizards will focus on hitting some shots.
Washington started the playoffs with Gilbert Arenas' draining 3-pointers while his teammates traded hard fouls with Cleveland. That lasted all of one half.
Though the Wizards have kept up the hard-fouling part, it seems the Cavs have been the only team scoring. They come to town for Thursday night's Game 3 holding a 2-0 series lead.
"For us to come out undisciplined and unfocused is a big disappointment," Wizards forward Antawn Jamison said. "We need to find a way to get into a rhythm when the game is going their way. We need to attack the rim better."
While Washington's complementary players have talked (DeShawn Stevenson) and fouled (Brendan Haywood) their way into the headlines, the Wizards' stars haven't made much of an impact.
Continue Reading "Three-Folding: Wizards' Stars Have Not Shined" »
Addison Road
