Matt Swenson has lived to tell about seven "24" finales.
The following takes place between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m.
IF YOU ARE A CHILD of the '80s, and your faithful "24" blogger most certainly is, than you have "Back to the Future" pretty much memorized line by line.
And as we all recall, the movie resolves its plot before tossing in those fateful words "To be Continued."
Marty McFly, meet Jack Bauer.
While it's true those three magic words never appear in the Series 7 finale, they might as well have.
In years past, "24" has shocked viewers with the death of Jack's wife, an assassination try on David Palmer and Jack's kidnapping — and those are just the good years — to lure viewers back for the following year.
Nothing quite that dramatic happened Monday night. Instead, we got some serious character development capped off with a "huh, it's over?" moment.
FOX'S "24" IS far from realistic, even by television standards. Viewers are usually willing to contend with a certain degree of implausibility in order to enjoy the shows unique high body count brand of entertainment.
While I'm willing to accept that maybe Jack Bauer always happens to use the bathroom during the commercial breaks, these were the seven moments from the series thus far that required suspending one's suspension of disbelief.
Continue Reading "Out-Foxed by Jack: Suspending Belief in '24'" »
Matt Swenson knows the Metro, and this isn't the Metro.
The following takes place between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m.
REALITY IS NOT the strong suit of "24." Never has been; never will be.
But when Tony Almeida tells the poor patsy he's out to frame for a terrorist attack to take the Metro westbound to Washington Center within the first five minutes of Monday's episode, our corrective lenses were out.
It's been well-documented that the show's writers live in L.A. and don't know D.C. Boy, did it show.
How did "24" err? Let us count the ways.
Continue Reading "Bauer by Hour: Last Stop, Washington Center?" »
Matt Swenson has seen every "24" bad guy bite the dust in some fashion.
The following take place between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m.
WHO BLEW UP JON VOIGHT?
So one of our questions from last week was answered. The Midnight Cowboy faded away just before the sun will rise again.
Oddly, the transport designed to send him to the witness protection agency went kablooey after Olivia Taylor — the evil daughter of the president — had just called off her own hit on Voight.
The question is: Did her message get through in time or is she to blame?
To recap, Olivia wanted Voight dead since he was responsible for her brother's death and she felt very strongly that her mom, aka the president, was letting him off easy for giving some info to Jack Bauer.
She ordered an assassination but chickened out at the last minute. She had the motive and made the try, so maybe she didn't hit "abort" in time.
Matt Swenson is never down for the count
The following takes place between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.
IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES on "24."
Chloe is back helping Jack. The CTU server is back online at the FBI — "What are we, CTU-light?" asks Janeane Garofalo, aka the new Chloe.
Dammit, Jack even thinks David Palmer is president.
OK, so Palmer has actually been dead for some time and oddly, there were no "dammits" — Jack's unofficial catchphrase — that I can recall, but this is as close to old-school "24" as we get.
Matt Swenson has seen every "24" episode and knows of what he speaks.
The following takes place between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m.
SPOILER ALERT.
What does Kim Bauer plus Jon Voight minus Larry Moss multiplied by Tony Almeida equal?
The best "24" episode ever.
Remember when "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons" were in their heyday and there were three or four classic subplots were contained in one half-hour? You almost forget they were in the same episode until you watch the rerun.
This is the same thing. Forget the minutes this week. Too much happened this week.
Matt Swenson says look out, I'm walking here!
The following takes place between midnight and 1 a.m.
IF YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH you might remember that Jon Voight became a household name for playing a character who did his best work after hours.
Well, he's taken on a different profession, but the Midnight Cowboy dominated this week's "24," which starts right as the clock hits midnight.
Playing Jonas Hodges, the head of evil Starkwood, Voight doesn't get any blood on his hands. Instead, it gets on his shirt.
Tension is mounting as his weapon of mass destruction nears completion, and he seems hell-bent on dealing with all of his enemies. That includes the chairman of Starkwood's board, who helped the now-late senator played by the dad from "That '70s Show" and who just befriended Jack Bauer.
Continue Reading "Bauer by Hour: Don't Mess With the Midnight Cowboy" »
Matt Swenson knows there is only one Jack Bauer.
The following takes place between 11 p.m. and midnight
EVERYONE KNOWS TONY ALMEIDA is no Jack Bauer. He just went ahead and proved it as "24" moved to the bewitching hour this week.
Taken captive by the evil Starkwood — as I hear "Jericho" fans think Ravenwood — Tony thinks he's been freed by Jon Voight's right-hand man.
Why not? After all, we saw the henchman shoot another bad guy in the back and uncuff Tony. The stooge then demands immunity in exchange for spilling the beans on where the WMD is located in this enormous military facility.
All seems OK with the G-men, led by Larry Moss (now a true believer in Jack Bauer), as they storm the site.
Guess what? The weapon isn't where the bad guy said it was was (shocking!). The result? The FBI becomes surrounded by Starkwood's macho militia. Bonus: The guy "shot" dead surprises Tony by, well, being alive.
Would Jack ever get played like that? Of course not!
Now to the minutes ...
Continue Reading "Bauer by Hour: You, Sir, Are No Jack Bauer" »
Matt Swenson is really impressed with this season of "24."
The following takes place between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m.
Spoiler alert!!!!!!
YOU DON'T NEED to be a "Simpsons" fan to know about Fallout Boy.
After all, there's a popular band named after the sidekick made famous by one Milhouse Van Houton. Somehow lost in the shuffle, though, has been the "Batman" to Milhouse's "Robin" — namely Radioactive Man.
This comes to mind after yet another stellar episode of "24," in which one of two selfless acts by Jack Bauer includes our hero going in unprotected to stop a leak from a weapon of mass destruction.
How did Jack get this WMD?
Matt Swenson has seen it all — and then some — watching "24" for seven years.
SPOILER ALERT
The following takes place between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m.
EVERY BOY WANTS to be a truck driver, or do something with a huge, destructive vehicle at some point in their childhood.
Jack Bauer got to live out the dream this week.
In what is a "24" first, Jack — now on the run from the FBI — takes a bulldozer and flips over an entire junkyard lot office.
Why?
Addison Road